All About Ariana

Three.

2011-08-30T22:32:00.001-04:00

It was just the two of us alone in the darkness. She was stirring with the innate drive to come forth from only world she had ever known as I moved instinctively and in awe of the power I possessed. Together we danced this way as the waves radiated outward from my core. The primal sounds that escaped my lips cut rhythmically through the silence of the night. Over the next two days I repeatedly hit a wall where I was sure I couldn't endure another minute. Then she would move within me, reminding me of the goal we were working towards. That I wasn't alone. That we were a team.

Before I knew it she was barreling through my body; her birth was imminent. Everything within me bore down. This was the moment I lad longed for since I was little, the culmination of nearly 9 months of work. There she was, squalling before she had fully emerged. Bruised, wet, and covered in creamy white vernix. She was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. I reached down and hoisted her onto my abdomen and spoke to her without ever removing my hands from her tiny body. She craned her neck upward searching for my face and our eyes locked for the first time. There was an calm familiarity between us. Two beings who had never met, but instantly knew each other. We were lost in our own little world and she remained still and content as long as no one else touched her.

In the hours following her birth we nursed, I wiped her down for her first bath, dressed her in the outfit I picked out all those months ago only to strip her down so I could feel her velvety soft skin against my chest again. It wasn't until the dark, quiet hours of night as I cradled her in my arms after nursing yet again that I cried. It hit me that this child was mine. She was the most perfect creation I could ever hope to claim, and she was my daughter! She depended upon me as much now as she did when she grew within me and I loved her more than I could have ever imagined. In every sense of the word, I had become a Mommy.

Happy third birthday Ariana Raen, my sweet, spunky, independent, happy, smart, and beautiful little girl. You are my whole world and I cannot imagine life without you!!

30 beautiful months

2011-03-20T23:53:00.002-04:00

When I was pregnant my goal was to nurse my child for 6 months.

When we finally got the hang of it and breastfeeding became something I loved, I decided on 12 months.

Before I knew it, one year was just around the corner. I had done my research and was exposed to more than the 6 months of nursing average. I wanted to allow Ariana to wean herself whether that day would come in 3 months or 3 more years.

That day has come and it's bittersweet to say the least. She has been going longer and longer between nursing sessions with 1-2 weeks being the norm. The last time she asked to nurse was 4 weeks ago. She woke up crying in the middle of the night so I pulled her into my lap and whispered soothing words to her while I smoothed her hair back. She snuggled herself down so I lifted my shirt for her, not expecting her to actually nurse. But nurse she did, even if it was only for a few minutes! She smiled after she popped off and dozed off with her head on my bare chest. I want to freeze those images in my mind and hold onto them forever. Thirty months is how long we made it and I wouldn't trade one second of it for the world! I'm sad she isn't old enough to remember this journey long term but I know she and I will both be reaping the benefits for many years to come!

Thank you, my girl, for every moment of pain, wincing, tears, delight, dribbling smiles, milk comas, snuggling, pride, nipping, leaking, and for making me fall in love with you all over again every time you found comfort and nourishment at my breasts.

Both Sides

2011-02-09T23:16:00.004-05:00

The moments I want to savor with Ariana are being fired at me like the fast pitch machine at a batting cage. Her running commentary when we drive in the car. Her skipping, jumping, and other happy footwork. Her adoration for all things nature- the center console of my car is constantly filled with acorns, leaves, twigs, and flowers she gathered.

Her mind blows me away! The things she comes up with are as amazing to me as her ever growing comprehension.

Then there are moments like last night- around 3:30am to be exact. She's been having the occasional nightmare where she wakes up a bit incoherent and cries to me about stickers trying to get her (which was the case earlier this week) or something to that effect. But last night when she woke up, apparently one of her "stuffies" snuck her an entire pot of coffee because she was revved up and going a mile a minute! She started jumping on my bed, telling me a story, then decided to pile every. single. book off her shelves in my bed. She then proceeded to ~~demand~~ ask that I read her ALL of them. Oh boy! These are the moments I take a deep breath and close my eyes wishing for a big package of patience to arrive on my doorstep.

Ariana is feeling her oats more and more, but for every moment that will surely result in my hair turning gray prematurely, I get moments like this:

and my whole heart smiles.

Wordless Wednesday

2011-02-02T11:11:00.003-05:00

kidism

2011-01-17T23:02:00.003-05:00

Ariana: "Mommy, when I get so big I'm going to go touch the moon!"
Mommy: "That would make me so proud! Will you take a picture for Mommy?"
Ariana: "Yes. I go in 2 days. Can I bring your camera?"

I must have the strongest sternum known to mankind to be able to hold in my so-full-of-love heart!

baby, you're amazing!

2010-12-12T15:10:00.009-05:00

Ariana is 27 months old... going on 28 years old! She amazes me constantly by her comprehension and her evolving sas. The latter I'm not too keen on but I know it's just a phase as she discovers who she is and the impact she has on the world around her.

She gets bossy sometimes and will shout commands like "put that away NOW... please!" As if the manners tacked onto the end make it alright. We've talked about how you have to ask people nicely, and "now" usually isn't a nice thing to say. She reminded me of this the other morning when I asked her to put her shoes away in the closet instead of in the middle of the room. She told me she would do it in a minutes to which I responded with "Ariana, put your shoes away now, THEN you can get out some books to read." I was told "Mommy, that's not nice. Don't say now to me!" I guess I need to apply what I'm teaching her to myself as well.

She knows her ABC inside out and loves when I sing them leaving out a few letters on purpose so she can tell me what I missed. She still resorts to counting "1, 2, 5, 8, 9, 10!" Unless I ask her what comes after 2, then she's knows it's 3, 4, 5, etc. We like to practice counting in one of her favorite books The Very Hungry Catepillar and practically everything else we do gets counted. Stairs, how many pieces of veggies or meat she gets on her plate, how many cups of water over her head it takes to wash out the shampoo- everything!

Ariana loves dumptrucks, cranes, school buses and semis. It's always a game to point them out on the road and her excitement each and every time is infectious! She's starting to get on a train kick, although we haven't seen one in real life.

She skips and jumps everywhere she goes singing Skip to my Lou. She does figure eights around my legs while giggle Ring Around the Rosie. Ariana still loves singing twinkle twinkle and rain rain go away as much as her new favorite, Carly Simon's Love of my Life. She is forever smiling and is quick to belt out a tune, although she get quiet and shy when strangers tell her how pretty she is or ask how old she is.

She naps like a dream at school- on a short cot in a room with the VPK kids no less! But at home she plays for an hour then call out alerting me that she just woke up (not falling for it, girl! I've heard for playing Mommy with your baby, froggie, and horsie for an hour!) and to come get her. Kids are always on their best behavior for others, though so I try not to take it personally.

I still have revelations daily, I'm happy to say. I made this child! She has 50% of my DNA (and it shows!):

She is perfection in every way and lights up my world like nothing else can.

I adore this child!

but then again, who wouldn't?

cannot seem to catch up!

2010-11-30T21:40:00.007-05:00

We had a wonderful and chilly Thanksgiving in North Carolina at my brother's house. Ariana had a blast with her cousins and ~~bossing around~~ chatting with the adults. She's not the world's best traveler, but an 8 hour drive will do that to anyone- 2 years old or not!

I'm sure if she could grasp the concept she would want to share that she is thankful for many things!

(not in any particular order)

cold cereal
swings
shoes
Mommy's milk
horsey
Ms. Cindy and Mr. Ricky (her daycare providers)
lungs strong enough to belt out her favorite songs
books

I hope everyone had a wonderful Thanksgiving!

singing swinging

2010-11-15T10:45:00.002-05:00

There, a video to satiate the masses due to my recent lack of posting.

You're welcome

:)

almost forgot

2010-09-09T11:52:00.002-04:00

Ariana's stats as of August 25th:

weight: 27lbs 7oz
height: 37"

our supermodel in the making!!!!!!!

"They" say that you can calculate a child's estimated adult height by doubling their height at 2 years old. According to that formula, Ariana could be 6'1.5". I was teased unmercifully throughout school for being so tall and broad. In elementary school when group class photos were still done I was always in the center of the back row. I watched all of my friends have relationships in high school while I remained one of the guys because no one saw me that way. I had pizza thrown at my in the lunch room, and I was called fat (at a whopping 5'9" and 150-155 when I was 16-18) and ugly. Kids can be so cruel!

My heart is understandably breaking for my amazing daughter at the thought of her dealing with the same ridicule. Even if she uses it to her advantage and excels in basketball or volleyball, it's still hard feeling like a big oaf next to your friends.

I'll have to try to find my growth charts from infancy on to see if there's any truth to it.

dos

2010-09-01T08:25:00.012-04:00

Ariana is TWO!!!

I had class in the morning, so I picked her up around noon from preschool so we could spend some Mommy-Daughter time. She helped put the icing on her cake (made from scratch by your truly!)

2:30pm August 31, 2010- HAPPY BIRTHDAY SWEET GIRL!!

She was so excited. I really think she understood the concept this year! For weeks she had been singing "happy dirday" after going to our friend Kylia's first birthday. She was asking about presents and cake for days as well!

She had her first poop as a 2 year old around 2:35pm

And at 2:40 we did the same thing we were doing exactly 2 years ago

when everyone got home from school and work we swam

we ate

and most importantly... we sang and ate cake!

This is the only present she was interested in last night. We had a table full of wrapped, enticing presents that she ran right by! Good pick Nanny and Pop Pop! It's fits her personality perfectly: a tool bench on one side and a kitchen on the other. It has a picket fence on either side that she can take apart with the play screwdriver. She LOVES it!

Ariana says over 200 words and says 4-5 word complex sentences. For example, Aunt Lala was talking about Ariana coming to meet her new cousin soon and Ariana said very adamantly "I need sit on airplane, Mommy."
She's amazing!
She loves to jump, swing, slide, run, ride (or attempt pedal) her trike, color, EAT, swim, read and pretend play. She is the most nurturing toddler I've ever seen! When someone gets hurt or is crying Ariana is the first one to them, rubbing their backs and asking if they're ok. She snuggles and nurses her baby dolls and loves to tuck them into bed.

She's been in preschool for a month now and after about a week of an adjustment period she started to ask to go to Mrs. Cindy's house to play with her friends. The first week was hard to leave her- there were many tears, and I was informed that she would ask for Mommy and cry on and off throughout the day. There have been no tears since then and the greeting, oh the greetings I get when I go to pick her up!!! She bolts over to me squealing and jumps into my arms. It makes my heart swell for sure!

We haven't had any temper tantrums (knock on wood) save the sleepy meltdowns at bedtime. I try to explain things to her on her level, but so she can understand it, too. She has tried a few times in the past to run ahead of me in a parking lot. Both times I had to show her how big the cars are and we felt how hard they are as well. I explained that they can give her big boo-boos by accident and she'll have to go to the doctor. (she grasped this better after her check up a month ago for school. She hadn't been to the doctor since she was 4 months old, so she didn't like having a stranger prod her belly and be in her face). She now takes my hand and tells me "hold hands, mama. cars boo-boos!"

She also loves getting choices and getting to make decisions whether it be over cold cereal or waffles and fruit for breakfast or what she wants to wear for the day.

This not-such-a-baby is growing up in the blink of an eye, and I couldn't be more in love with her.

In One Week

2010-08-24T15:57:00.001-04:00

Ariana Raen will be two.

PANIC!PANIC!PANIC!PANIC!PANIC!PANIC!

wordless Wednesday

2010-07-28T15:44:00.002-04:00

Independance Day

2010-07-24T23:31:00.007-04:00

There's nothing like watching the awe on a child's face to reignite your zest for life. This past 4th of July was one of those occasions. Ariana slept through the fireworks display of her first Independance day which is better than being scared!

I think I will regret forever the lack of pictures of her face during the fireworks this year. We had been grabbing a few things and were almost back to our hotel when we saw them going off in the distance on either side of our car. Ariana started shouting oooh's and wow's from her carseat squealing with delight every time another BOOM sounded as an explosion of colors rained down from the sky.

We parallel parked and jumped out of the car with Ariana up on Marty's shoulder. We had to rush through a few blocks to find a tree free view of the sky. We didn't want to drive the rest of the way to the peir where my Mom was with the foster kids. THAT would have been quite a sight since the peir is where they were setting them off from!

I watched Ariana's face with tears in my eyes. I could hear the thundering clap of the fireworks behind me but experienced the lights and colors as they danced across her wide-eyed face. I think her mouth stayed slightly ajar from the time we got out of the car, until after the grand finale. She clapped and asked everyone around us for "more lights please?" Ariana's heaven will include nightly fireworks shows, I'm sure!

After a while I offered to hoist Ariana onto my shoulder since Marty was getting upset he couldn't see her face. I didn't watch his face but I'm sure by the way his laughter cracked in the middle that he had identical tears in his eyes.

We took pictures in our matching shirts seperately. After hours upon hours of walking around in downtown St. Petersburg in the heat and the rain I was too exhusted (as you will see in the pictures) to find the auto set function on my camera. It was halloween all over again!

We tried to beat the crowds and wait to have a beach day until Monday the 5th. But I guess to be fair we couldn't have a perfect weekend and traded out crowds for it being rainy and overcast all day.

This is how Miss Free started out:

And this is how she ended up. In 3 minutes flat.

I Promised

2010-06-09T01:03:00.002-04:00

I made a promise to myself a long, long time ago. I gazed out my window to the low hanging moon and vowed that I would never put a child through divorce.Just the word tastes bitter on my tongue. My dad went on frequent trips to Greece with his high school history students, and also lead EF tours. I remember coming out of bed one night, cold bare feet on the tile hallway floor. I thought in the back of my mind that Daddy was around the world again. But this time, something felt different. My mom was sitting with a basket full of clean, warm laundry next to her. She was taking piece by piece out and folding it not taking her eyes off the tv. I stood in front of her and asked "Mommy... where's Daddy?" She laid an article of clothing in her lap and held my hand. "Honey, Daddy is going to live somewhere else for a while..." and the lump rose in my throat. No, it didn't rise- it exploded. My Daddy, my hero, would not be there to rub my back as I dozed off to sleep. To try and teach me how to whistle and do the chicken dance to make me laugh. I cried in my mother's arms for what seemed like hours before going back to my room.

They tried again. But that time, I saw him leave. He had a big brown suitcase and some duffel bags in front of the door. He got a studio apartment not too far from our house and after a while Kyle and I started taking turns going to stay with him for a couple days.

My eyes still well up when I think of that night when my mother told me they were separating. I swore that I would never get married without knowing we would never divorce and my children would get out unscathed.

Fast forward to 20 years later. Here I am, at my parent's house with Ariana. I broke my promise to myself. We fell in love hard and fast and a year into the relationship we found out we were pregnant. We were on the fast track to real commitment and being linked forever. We thought we were invincible- our love was our guide. We got married happily on a quiet beach and 2 months later we had our baby in our arms. We were still getting to know each other and suddenly the burden of supporting a family was on Marty's shoulders. He was busting his butt 60 hours a week on an erratic schedule. Work was stressful so he went out with a friend to blow off steam. I was without a license and trapped in our home with an infant. God I love her, but it was overwhelming! Some days I stayed in pajamas simply so I didn't have to waste my precious alone time while she cat napped changing and seeing my flabby, overweight body in the mirror. I didn't want to put on another maternity outfit when Ariana was 5 months old.

I got involved in a mom's networking site when I was pregnant. I found thousands of moms who were all due in September of '08 and we talked about the gross things with our bodies and the sweet grins we were getting from our newborns. I found friends there that knew EXACTLY what my life was like as a stay at home mom. There were moms who opened my eyes to a way other than the mainstream way of parenting.

I started changing- no- evolving. I became a mother passionate about breastfeeding and hung-ho about homebirths. I realized that babies aren't born circumcised and sobbed watching a video of it being done. We weren't agreeing on anything other than we loved our daughter. I was always on the computer and Marty was always out with Greg. We avoided our problems and busied ourselves elsewhere instead of dealing with things. We started thinking another baby would bring us back to the happiness we felt when both our hands rested on my belly as Ariana rolled and kicked.

We started having a lot of talks when Ariana was about a year old. We made it clear what we expect of each other, and what we needed emotionally and physically as well. We'd spend about a week being the picture perfect spouses, then it all would crumble. I would neglect the dishes in the sink and he wouldn't make eye contact with me all day. We stopped doing what we had agreed on to spite each other. So we withdrew from each other further and further until I did a 180 and was no longer the woman he once couldn't live without. We hardly knew each other anymore. We were two strangers who happened to have a kid together. We fought about everything and slept in bed with our backs to each other. We stopped greeting each other with a kiss and a hug.

so now here we are separated and discussing child support and custody rather than where to go to dinner and which movie looked good on TV. He deals with things by getting angry and going out. I deal with things by getting emotional and going inward. We are both shadows of the people we once were and have hardly anything in common. We neglected us and are paying the price dearly. I love him, but I don't think I've been in love with him for a while.

My heart breaks thinking of Ariana doing the back and forth that I experienced as a child. Marty said she's soon get excited about TWO Christmases and TWO houses to live in with different toys and clothes. Part of me is glad I walked away now instead of suffering quietly for years more. Ariana wont remember living with both of us after a while and wont have the memories I do.

Weaning

2010-05-11T21:46:00.009-04:00

In the beginning I cried. I knew I was going to breastfeed my daughter, and I was determined. I have a mother who breastfed both her children, a mother in law who breastfed, and two friends who breastfed their children. Everyone smiled and applauded my desire to give my daughter the beautiful gift of perfect milk my body would make just for her. No one mentioned soreness. No one spoke up about 24/7 nursing marathons.

So my daughter was born onto my bare chest. I knew offering the breast within the first hour of birth was ideal. So I pulled aside my nursing bra while my waxy bruised newborn baby licked and mouthed at my nipple. The nurse said "no no, you're doing it wrong." With that she took my fresh out of the oven baby's head with one hand and my breast in the other. She roughly shook both back and forth trying to coax her mouth open my rubbing my nipple against her upper lip. Everything in my body screamed "this doesn't feel right!" yet I grinned numbly while I got a few stitches. I'm not sure why I didn't speak up for myself and my baby and I regret that. Ariana was quietly alert as long as she was on my bare chest and no one touched her. She wailed for the first time when the nurse did that. She clamped her jaw shut between scream. the nurse gave up.

She later nursed when we were in a dimly lit room without the hustle and bustle of the medical staff interfering with nature. She latched on and drank swallows of antibodies, calories, sweet richness, and good bacteria that coated her gut to establish a healthy digestive tract. She fell asleep for the first time since birth and the corners of her mouth twitched up in contentment.

Fast forward to 2 week later. I was sitting and crying holding Ariana who screamed and pushed off of me while I tried to nurse her. I had a surplus of milk and she wouldn't eat. When she did nurse she would slump against me within minutes fast asleep. What was I doing wrong? I got nudges to plow through it, I got suggestions to feed her formula. I got everything but empathetic words. No one told me it was normal for your nipples to be so sore that you can't stand facing the stream of water in the shower because it felt like tiny knives beating on your nipples. No one told me that newborns nursed at most every 3 hours- that it was more like every 1 1/2 hours. So I cried and we struggled. I'm going to put up with this around the clock for a year?! I thought feeling very defeated.

But then it got easier. She got a little bigger and could handle the size and weight of my breasts. I learned that too much of a good thing ISN'T a good thing when it came to a milk supply when she was about a month old. We started getting the hang of this and I learned that just because breastfeeding is natural, doesn't mean it comes naturally to all babies!

Before I knew it she was 6 months old. My initial goal of 1 year seemed so close and too soon to take something away from both of us that we love so much. We both found comfort in nursing. It was a time for me to sit with my feet up and trace the outline of my not-so-little girl's features. Her eyes would still roll back in her head and she would give me sleepy grins as if to say "Thank you for sticking with me, Mommy"

Then came a year. 365 of exploring, learning, growing, changing, and milestones but we always came back to our time nursing. It was always there at the end of the day and the first thing we did every morning. She was eating a large variety of solids- whatever we were eating she had too. But nursing was comfort, nutrition, and bonding that I don't think we could have experienced in any other way. So I decided not to wean her on some arbitrary date. A baby's immune system doesn't mature enough to stand on its own until the age of 2. just because I could tell people she was 12, 13, or 14 months old didn't mean she was too old for mama's milk. For the comfort it was to both of us during teething, long days out with no nap, or just after she had been independent for a while. Nursing brought us back to basics. We would sit skin on skin with her head cradled int he crook of my arm. I imagined my ancestors doing exactly the same with their babies and I smiled. We were a part of something that had been done for thousands of years. Ariana had never been sick, she never doubted that either one of her parents weren't there for her all the time. We were always ready with a hug or pats on her tush. But Mommy had something no one else could give her and I reveled in that. She was growing up and loved to know how everything worked and who everyone was. But only Mommy could give her the ultimate comfort, the ultimate super food when she was having a picky day with meals.

When a child is left to wean on their own terms, the average weaning age is between 2 and 4 years (WHO). A baby's first set of teeth, baby teeth, are actually called milk teeth. The year they get their last set of molars is 4 or 5 years old. Throughout history and in countries where the luxury of pureed baby food or enough at meals to feed the entire family are available babies relied solely on their Mother's milk until they weaned themselves. How amazing would it be too look at your toddler or preschooler and know that their growth and development was all because of a substance that your body makes automatically when s/he was born?!

Now she's 20 months old and weaning. She has been nursing first thing in the morning, before nap time, before bed with the occasional nibble here and there for months now. Then she suddenly dropped down to once every other day. My breasts and my emotions are engorged. I cannot imagine not nursing her and it devastates me to think that she's old enough now to not need to be comforted at Mommy's breast. I offer and she pushes me away or pulls my shirt back down. "No Mama." she giggles as my whole world falls apart. I've so looked forward to her growing and learning but I'm not ready for this chapter of our relationship to be over. I'm not ready. I'm grateful that I was able to give her to option to make this important decision for herself but I never expected it to be this soon. 2 1/3, 3 maybe but not 20 months old. I feel pride in knowing the gift I've been able to give to her for the past 20 months. Something I didn't consider such a great thing 18 months ago! But now I know and I'm trying to cherish every time she climbs in my lap, snuggles on my chest, and tentatively asks "milk?" Not knowing which nursing session will be her last scares me. I don't want her last time to be while I channel surf or stare at the ceiling wishing she would just fall asleep already. I want to remember caressing her hair and cradling her close. I want it to be picturesque and perfect. So I'll be able to tuck they memory away and carry it with me always.

Ariana nursing at 18 months old

Mother

2010-05-08T01:23:00.006-04:00

I'm writing this early since we'll be with family all day Sunday.

To the child who made me a mother. The girl who Daddy sneaks M&Ms to and doesn't do a good job of hiding the evidence. To my daughter who lights up my world

To my love bug who is always willing to lend a helping hand

My stinker butt who's whole face laughs and it makes my heart grow

My creative clone who makes anklets out of sponge wrappers

To my sunshine who has changed me for the better and made me fall in love just from looking at a test. She made me a mother and I will forever be grateful to her. Happy Mother's Day to all the Mommies out in blogland!

The Girl Who Cried Wolf

2010-05-05T00:17:00.002-04:00

One day a little girl was getting ready to go to bed. She frantically looked around her bedroom for any distraction possible. A thirds bedtime story? A scoot around the room on her car? Another kiss from Daddy? Then suddenly the perfect diversion hit her. She gazed up at her Mama wide eyes and exclaimed

"poo poo!"

while signing potty. her Mama excitedly rushed her across the hall to her bathroom and stripped her down to only her shirt. The little girl sat on her potty smiling. She did it! They waited. And waited. Finally the Mama realized she had been duped and carried her squirming and shrieking toddler back to her bedroom and re-diapered her.

A few nights later the little girl decided bedtime was for babies. She remembered her plan from the night prior so she thought. And she thought. Food! Mama would never deny food! So she gazed up at her Mama, put her thumb and pointer finger to her lips and asked

"eat?"

"Milk?"

Mama offered. No, she needed something she could chew, something to get her out of her dimly lit bedroom with the soothing music. Out to the kitchen they went. Mama offered her a Nutra Grain bar. The little girl shook her head no. A yogurt? The little girl shook her head no again. Out of the corner of her eye she spotted her baby dolls nestled in their double stroller. Jackpot!! Mama had to dash after the little girl and drag her back into the boring calm of her bedroom.

This went on for a weeks. Always the little girl's attempts were thwarted.

Then one night, her head snuggled against the perfect spot on her Mama's chest. She sat up and confidently said

"poo poo!"

"No, ma'am. You're not fooling Mama this time! It's night-night time little girl."

The little girl was determined.

"POO POO!"

"Mama said no, little girl."

She squirmed out of her Mama's lap but stopped running halfway to her bedroom door. She looked back standing very still. Then pushed.

"POOP!"

Her Mama yelled taking the little girl's hand and rushing her to her potty. To her Mama's horror, there- inside her diaper was a sigh every Mama dreads. Diarrhea.

"Oh no, honey! Mama thought you were faking!"

Mama quickly and apologetically cleaned up the little girl's tush just in time for her to sit on her potty and push out more. And more. And more.

The little girl stared at her Mama.

"poo-poo" she whispered as if to say "I tried telling you, Mama."

A few minutes and a lot of wipes later, the little girl was once again snuggled against her Mama drifting off to dreamland.

Texas (just a little overdue)

2010-04-16T12:05:00.008-04:00

I realized recently that I never posted poctures from our recent trip to Texas in February! We surprised Grandma when we got there and Ariana got to bond with her Texas family. We had such a blast but our trips always seem to be so short. A video showing Ariana'a bravery and Mommy's panic:

What breastfeeding is to me

2010-04-12T12:57:00.002-04:00

She runs to me, signing and pointing, excitedly jumping from foot to foot. "Milk?" she squeaks in her tiny toddler voice. I grin. She gathers up her blanket and her stuffed animal horse and makes a beeline for our rocking chair.

Cradling my sleepy baby in my arms I lift my shirt and pull her in close. She opens wide and latches, instinctively knowing what to do. She drinks life. She swallows over and over again as her body relaxes and her eyes roll back in her head. Sweet goodness that defends, nourishes and comforts. Super food. She starts out with her legs flopped over the chair's arm rest and her horsey's floppy leg gripped between her first and middle finger. Soon, all 34" of her wrap around me as if we are side by side puzzle pieces. Her warm skin against mine. my shoulders relax and the to do list running through my heads screeches to a halt. I gaze at my not-such-a-baby daughter and drink her in. Her tousled hair, her fingers now stroking the skin above my heart, her chest rising and falling rhythmically. She is asleep and yet she continues to drink occasionally with fluttery sucks in between long pauses. Her arms fall limp as the warmth of my milk floods her stomach and parts of it filter into her veins. My body not only gave her life, but sustained it with perfect food for 19 1/2 months now. It never ceases to amaze me that a body I once berated in the mirror can do such an amazing feat.

She falls off, jaw slack and breath shallow. I stay exposed as to not ruin the moment of perfection. Her cheek is flushed from being pressed against my skin. we both sigh as I continue to rock her gently and hold her to me. The little girl who's entire body could fit from the crook of my elbow to the palm of my hand. My fingertips now graze the small of her back while she's cradled in my arm. Yet she's still by baby girl. My miracle who still loves nothing more than to be comforted and nourished with mama's milk. I can't swallow the lump in my throat as I slowly stand and walk to the side of her crib. I do the Mommy dance; swaying as if pulled by forces outside me as I lay her down and pull a blanket over her back. she shifts and finds her comfortable position. I walk to her door and quietly pull it close, taking one last glance at my sleeping daughter. Perfection.

Loving and Losing

2010-03-25T22:11:00.002-04:00

I have few friends. Most of then I met through the glow of my computer monitor one anxious night after I knew Ariana had taken up residence in my womb. I wanted answers to my "is this normal..?" and old wives tales. I stumbled upon babycenter.com and there I found a home. Moms from all walks of life and every continent on earth. More importantly I found thousands of women due in September of 2008 along for the ride with me. Two years ago bonds began to form and we argued and laughed. Shared pictures and griped about our husbands. Some suffered through miscarriages and we rallied together for support. Some delivered still born babies and we wiped away tears. Some had premature babies and we cheered at every milestone. One by one all our babies we born and our debates over drinking coffee and who felt the most kicks turned to breastfeeding struggles and sleepless nights. Instead of weekly belly pictures we shared pictures of our newborns. First smiles, videos of rolling over. We dwindled down to a few hundred by the time our babies were 4 months old. Moms tearfully went back to work and lost touch. By six months we were down to 70. And now at 18 months we have 39 of us left. Needless to say we're a very close bunch- 21 of which have already had a second baby or have one currently gestating. We're like a big family who fights at Thanksgiving, but always calls the next day to apologize and gossip.

Then it happened. We lost one of our babies. A mother with an 18 month old and a 4 year old who's husband had been overseas for almost a year. Her daughter had been fighting a cold but not serious enough for her pose for pictures of her wrestling with the family dog. The next day her mom went to wake her from a too long nap and found her still. Her chest not rising, and no warm breath on her lips. 18 months old and gone. Never have we been so strong- reaching out to the mourning mother and holding tight to our own babies. We all grouped together and sent flowers, one drove to the funeral. The baby had fluid around her heart- she passed peacefully in her sleep.

Every night I creep in to check on Ariana before I go to sleep. I always rest my hand on her back, stroke her hair and cover her up. There have been a handful of times when I don't immediately feel her chest rising and falling with breath and my own catches in my throat. I yank her out of bed, pressing her body against mine as my knees give out. Immediately she startles and whines into my neck for disturbing her slumber and I rock her calming my own nerves and enjoying her snuggles. I couldn't imagine if she never startled and stayed limp in my arms....

New camera

2010-03-18T14:25:00.008-04:00

We've always had point and shoots cameras. I had a EOS SLR camera in high school when I got into photography at summer camp. But without a darkroom, developing photographs lost it's appeal. I found one similar to the one I had before, just a few models up. A Canon Rebel Xsi is what came in the mail a few days ago and it's been glued to my hand ever since.

(the image from the website)

I am in love with the way the pictures come out! I am far from a pro and continue to reference the user's manual to refresh my memory on which aperture speed is best when it's gloomy out, and which ISO to use for nighttime. I'm getting the hang of it though. Ariana is, too. Even if the camera is sitting on the counter with the strap draped over the side she stands in from of it grinning and saying "cheeeeeeeese!"

I don't think I take enough pictures of her.

She sits in my lap happily pointing out the baby as we scroll though the pictures on the digital screen. She recognizes herself in the mirror, but pictures is another story.

I'm used to uploading our pictures and editing them as close to perfection as I could get them. Not with our new camera! I sharpened, then unsharpened. Played with the hues, then restored the original colors. I couldn't find anything to "fix" for the life of me. The pictures I'm snapping are as good as it gets. Ariana is perfectly focused and everything else blurs into the background. Just as it is in real life through my eyes.

Because I know you're wondering it, this is what's all over Ariana's mouth and chin:

Homemade yogurt popsicles. About halfway through her first one (yes that means she had two!) she was chanting "popsa popsa!" and singing my blending and freezing praises. It's organic vanilla yogurt, fresh strawberries, and a couple ice cubes turned to slushy goodness in our Magic Bullet and frozen. Those handy Tupperware popsicle molds were an amazing investment at $3.00 which means we may have to get more! She was hesitant at fist of the cold hard treat, but once she nibbled a bite her eyes lit up and the rest is history!

And just for good measure...

overload!

2010-02-11T21:30:00.005-05:00

Get ready for it... no really, brace yourself...

Two months in pictures. There you have it!

just a teaser...

2010-01-23T21:11:00.004-05:00

I sat last night logged into our blog just staring at the screen. Where do I even start when it's been so long? I'll leave you with a few pictures from the fourth night of Chanukkah and Christmas until I can edit down the 45 minute video from Christmas morning.

I know our hair says otherwise, but we did not just wake up from a nap!

Morbidity and Mortality

2009-11-23T13:14:00.002-05:00

Everyone told me that becoming a mother would bring to light my own mortality. That doesn't even begin to cover the morbidity of the worst case scenarios that constantly run through my head. As someone who used to be spontaneous and lived by the creed "why not?", I've turned into a nervous and over thinking woman.

When we took Ariana to the carnival my eyes were constantly darting to and fro analyzing everyone around us to see who looked most likely to swoop Ariana up and run. I quickly inspected the construction of the rides we were near fearing a rickety car on the mini coaster would fly off and come barrelling towards us. I did go down the big slide on a potato sack with Ariana, but I kept one hand wrapped around her waist and the other dragging on the slide itself to create resistance. We were all going to go on the ferris wheel, which I used to LOVE, but the second we were standing underneath it's looming presence my stomach turned and I clutched Ariana for dear life. There is no way in hell I was taking her on that thing. What if it tips over? What if our car becomes unhinged? What if she lunges for the side and topples to her death? What if...?

It gives me chills to type some of these things out, but you wouldn't even imagine the visual image I get with each paranoid passing though. I can't stop them, though. Ariana does get hurt, she does have fun and get to run and play so I don't feel like I'm being obsessive and holding her back from just being a kid. But I'm always right there. I don't know how I'll be when she's old enough to be away from me and I can't watch her every move.

I worry a lot about what things would be like should something happen to me. I get a huge lump in my throat just thinking of her not remembering who I am. Growing up without a Mother to braid her hair and teach her about puberty and how to recover from a broken heart. She was playing happily in the tub last night while I sat there trying to interact with her despite my raging migraine. Then I remembered a friend of the family who almost died of a brain aneurysm and my imagination went haywire. Ariana like to play in the water coming out of the faucet so I leave it on a slow trickle for her. In my mind my headache wasn't just a migraine, but a brain aneurysm and I collapsed. Ariana tried to climb out of the tub and hit her head. Marty came home from work 4 hours later to a flooded apartment, a dead wife and a drowned daughter. I turned off the faucet and hugged Ariana close trying to force the images from my head.

I don't know if every mother experiences this sort of morbidity, but it's horrible. It makes you realize that your life will never be your own again; that everything you do, say, think, and feel is for your child. I'm almost hesitant to post this entry fearing that one of you might try to have me committed!!! Does anyone else think or feel this way?

Weeki Wachee

2009-11-15T12:35:00.004-05:00

There's an attraction halfway between St. Petersburg and Ocala called Weeki Wachee. They're known for their underwater mermaid show, nature trails and wildlife. So when Steve told me he was taking the foster kids there and could get us all in for free I twisted Marty's arm into meeting them there. Aside from getting to see my step-dad and the foster kids the day was a complete bust. The park was tiny and left a lot to be desired. I even tried to convince Marty it was worth the 50 minute drive just to see scantily clad 20-something girls flaunting their mermaid tails, but he didn't take that bait!

Ariana would be happy running around anywhere outside, so she was in heaven. Plus, there were kids and babies in abundance to her delight!

Here I was giving my best mermaid impersanation by holding my breath and 'swimming'. Eh, not so much...

ham and cheese

2009-11-15T12:18:00.004-05:00

There seems to be a new trend for this blog lately: less writing and more pictures. I'm not hearing any complaining, though!

The personality on this girl amazes me every second of every day. She and Daddy play hide and seek now, she can do 9 signs and says 7 words. The word count would be 9, too if I could could understand the 2 she says constantly in the same scenarios, but I can't for the life of me figure out what she's trying to say!

Cowgirl in training

While we were searching in the pantry for something to eat for lunch, she grabbed the mac and cheese off the shelf and plopped down with her fork and spoon! After every imaginary bite she would grin and say "yummmmmmm!"

Meet the Flintstones

2009-11-02T20:16:00.000-05:00

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!

2009-10-31T00:04:00.004-04:00

2008:

2009:

(costume pictures will come tomorrow) Needless to say, or usual tomboyish daughter decided that pumpkin guts are icky. We did get her to stick her finger in it once, which resulted in a taste and an "MMMM!" of approval. She was much more interested in running off to find the duckies. Oh well, there's always next year! And remind me next year to get a carving knife set. The paring and steak knife we through would be sufficient wouldn't cooperate for anything but a boring, traditional gape toothed grinning jack-o-lantern.

Not Quite Perfect

2009-10-29T22:41:00.003-04:00

My heart and my life are so very full. I have a husband who I adore, and a daughter who has given me a purpose. My days are full of laughter, cuddles and heart swelling moments and yet I can't fight the feeling that somethings missing.

It started as just a glowing ember of longing in the pit of my being, but it continues to grow and consume me. How can I even think about this now... and yet I do. It came to a head when I caught myself staring wistfully at a woman in the grocery store today. She was absentmindedly caressing her swollen belly full of life and it brought tears to my eyes. The desire to feel those kicks and rolls and to watch my abdomen expand. To anticipate that first meeting, that first touch, to hear that first cry. To feel the frantic pants of warm breath from a hungry newborn against my skin, and the euphoric sensation of the first strong pulls and swallows as he or she nurses for the first time.

I thought if I ignored it, the wanting would dissipate like a passing whim. It hasn't, and shows no signs of stopping. I have a few sentimental items from Ariana's first few months that I can't put in a memory box just yet. I can't bear the thought that she'll never be that tiny again. I can't get over the fact that she once was that tiny! Marty has held the outfit we brought her home wearing in his arms and just stared on a few occasions. Where has the time gone?

For now we'll wait and see where this longing takes us, letting our hearts be our guides.

Identifying with Emotions

2009-10-29T22:26:00.004-04:00

Toddlerhood is upon us full force. Ariana says a new word every few days and picks up on new signs in about the same time frame as well. She can correctly identify every part of your face (ears and hair included) when prompted, and can spot a duck from miles away. But along with all of her sheer brilliance comes her independent streak. This is both a blessing and a curse. She wants to run everywhere, but if you try to take her hand to keep her walking with you she jerks her hand away and clutches it against her chest and yells. If you stop to scoop her up she squats down where she is and curls up into a ball and screams. All is well within seconds of being in my arms, but she is letting us know more and more what she wants and doesn't want!

And so begins our journey to helping her identify with her emotions. If I remove her from the DVDs while telling and signing no to her because she's ripped them from the shelf one to many times that day , she arches her back and screams. So I've begun making an angry face and saying "Oooh! Ariana is so angry at Mommy!" Which is apparently hilarious, but I think it's catching on...

perfecting the look:

Ariana's version of my angry face:

Oh, if we could all look so cute while fuming! She's starting to use this face at appropriate times so I think it's starting to catch on! Of course, we laugh and "awww" over the angry face, which usually gets us the other one we're working on...

The happy face!

This is also the face we get when we ask her to "say cheese" for pictures.

Couldn't you just gobble her up?

Diapering Choices and Savings

2009-10-13T19:54:00.005-04:00

We switched to cloth when Ariana was 4 months old after I got the image of the plastic pants style from the 70's out of my head. It has since become a ~~hobby~~ obsession of mine. The options are endless and the patterns are to die for. I started wondering if cloth diapering was actually turning out to be cheaper than disposable diapering for us with all my spending sprees.

The average cost for disposable diapering (wipes included) is $82.00 per month. Which makes one year $984.00 in diapers and wipes alone!!

The average cloth diaper is $18, but most now are one size diapers built to grow with babies from 10 pounds to 35/40 pounds so the use is unlimited. We have different types of diapers so I'm going to take actual inventory of them for the sake of this post. A lot of the cloth diapering lingo are hover links for those of you who don't know the difference between a fitted and a prefold!

two dozen prefolds - $54.00
three Bummis covers - $33.00
two Goodmama fitteds (that I bought on sale) - $25.00
two Muttaquin Baby fitteds (also on sale) - $20.00
one Bagshot Row Bamboo fitted - $20.00
one Thirsties cover - $10.00
three custom WAHM (work at home mom) covers - $29.00
three Bum Genius 3.0 pocket diapers - $53.00
two Happy Heinys - $30.00
flannel material for cloth wipes - $15.00
essential oils for wipes solution - $18.00

total cost of our stash of cloth diapers over a 10 month period - $307.00

I have also started making my own cloth diapers, starting with these two. I used scrap material I had from my Mei Tai orders or old sweaters and shirts that we were getting rid of anyway.

I did order a pair of snap pliers and an assortment of snaps to give these diapers a more finished look than velcro would. Ok, ok really I just can't get Ariana to lay still long enough to get a trim fit with pins. The total cost of the snap pliers and snaps was $34.00.

Our electric and water bill is slightly more than it was pre-cloth diapers, but nothing too signifigant. I only do a diaper wash twice a week. I think the drastic price difference would be enough to convert anyone even without the allure of an adorable fluffy butt, or doing our part to reduce waste in landfills!

Ariana's first time in cloth:

sheer genius

2009-10-05T22:22:00.001-04:00

Be expecting a post next week of her saying "supercalafragalisticexpealadocious"!

Happy Trails

2009-10-02T13:48:00.004-04:00

Family quality time for the Chappells looks something like this:

And as always, Mommy is behind the camera instead of in front of it. *sigh* Hopefully someday I'll have some good pictures with my baby girl. Maybe if we ever get around to taking her in for her one year pictures I'll jump in a couple.

ANYway... we found a nature preserve nearby that we decided to check out the other day. Ariana, of course, had to bring her favorite ball along and spent the whole time running while throwing and kicking it along the pathway. We walked almost a mile, so she was sweaty and flushed by the end, but she loved the freedom!

We found a dock out over the bay that we had to check out (per Marty). he tried to point out all the fish to Ariana, but she wasn't too interested... yet.

Poolside Beauty

2009-09-29T13:18:00.010-04:00

Ariana has leaped into toddlerhood with both feet first and hasn't looked back! Her signing and verbal words are growing daily, as are her comprehension skills! Mommy says "dance Ariana!" and she dances. Mommy says "No-no Ariana, that's boo boos!" and she walks away from the ~~baby~~ toddler hazard. Daddy says "Ariana bring Daddy the remote!" and she runs the remote over with a grin.

We spent last weekend at Nanny and Pop Pop's for the Jewish New Year, Yom Kippur. On Friday we were bathing beauties. Well, Ariana was a bathing beauty and Mommy was a beached whale but you get the picture! I left the hose in the kiddie pool on a soft spray and she played with it for hours. I pulled up a chaise lounge and a good book and was actually able to read it in it's entirety in one sitting. That's the first time since before August 31st, 2008! There was the occasional break where I had to jump up and run for cover because firewomen Ariana was swinging the hose in my direction giggling uncontrollably, and the sunscreen reapplications for both of us, but it was still a tiny slice of heaven for the day!

Then we tried out a new mini swing set that Nanny found. She's still not a fan of swinging but she tolerated this one for a record setting 10.5 seconds!

After all this playing, it was time to help out with some housework and earn our keep. (and work on her new fear of vacuum cleaners.).

Then she decided the pool was more fun and climbed in fully clothed.

Of course after being stripped down she wanted to help out with some gardening. Bubbles seemed like the perfect way to clean up afterwards. She was in awe of the shiny floating orbs Nanny kept sending her way!

What a full day for an almost 13 month old!

What it's all about

2009-09-22T21:05:00.005-04:00

Hokey Pokey time!

Let's all let our jaws drag on the floors for a moment... I mean, the inappropriateness of that video is horrific, isn't it? Yes, she bottomless, but she's a baby! I tried THREE times to upload it to youtube.com, and three times they deleted it for "inappropriate content". If I had the time or the desire, I'm sure I could find videos with much more offensive content on that site.

birthday videos

2009-09-06T22:33:00.003-04:00

First Year Stats: then and now

2009-09-05T13:00:00.005-04:00

Ariana's Stats as of August 31, 2008

6 pounds 11 ounces
20 1/4" long

she can:
sleep
fuss
look around in awe
nurse like a champ!

she loves to:
nurse all the time
snuggle on Mommy's chest
be held all the time
sleep for 3-5 hours at a time
be in a dimly lit room

Ariana's Stats as of August 31, 2009

21 pounds 3 ounces
31 1/5" tall

she can:
walk and run
sing
dance
clap
wave
figure out a toy in 1.3 seconds flat
throw a ball
follow simple commands
understand no (but doesn't always listen)
scream louder than a fog horn
say hi, night night (nye-nye), ball (she sticks out her tongue then says BAH),Daddy, and Mama
"read" books
cuddle her dolls and horsey
rocks them while I sing "ah ah baby..."
walk around holding a toy in each arm
kick in the pool
blow bubbles in the tub/pool
eat more than the average 3 year old
sleep 12-13 hours a night (but doesn't always do so)
take one nap a day
nurse like a champ

Ariana loves to:
dance
play
eat
nurse
swim
run
giggle
be carried

one year

2009-09-01T12:23:00.003-04:00

Yesterday was hectic with last minute party preperations, so this post is a day late.

Happy Birthday to the most amazing, beautiful, funny, sweet, snuggly, happy, independant little girl in the world. Ariana, Mommy and Daddy cannot express enough how much you mean to us and how much we love you.

P is for Picnic

2009-08-22T00:54:00.004-04:00

I decided to have a picnic lunch with Ariana today, mainly because we had a sink full of dishes that I would have to clean and load into the dishwasher before cleaning off her high chair tray. But also because it wasn't quite as sweltering hot out as it has been. I gathered up an old sheet, put some baked potatoes in tupperware containers along with some cut up fruit and a sippy cup and a water bottle for us. Ariana refused to sit on the sheet and preferred to sit in the grass while she ate. Of course she was up and playing between bites, but that's ok at a picnic. I can't wait for the weather to cool off a bit so we can do this more often!

Chew on This

2009-08-19T20:25:00.004-04:00

Safe quantities of aluminum:

for a healthy newborn- 4-5 micrograms per kilogram (roughly 2.2 pounds) of body weight in a 24 hour period*
for a 12 pound infant- 25-30 micrograms per kilogram per day*
for a 22 pound infant- 50 micrograms per kilogram per day*
for the average adult- 250 micrograms per kilogram per day*

The FDA passed a law that anything containing indictable or intravenous aluminum must have a warning label printed clearly on the package, and they must contain no more than 25 micrograms per liter. Just to name a couple are IV saline and saline solutions used widely in hospitals. In smaller doses, ingested or injected aluminum is filtered out by the kidney and passed in our urine. When given in higher doses, aluminium is a poison and it accumulates in bones, plasma (a component of your blood), and brain. it can cause progressive dementia, impaired neurological and mental development in children, and death.

Now here's the shocker!

Aluminum is used in vaccinations across the country. Their amounts vary by manufacturer, but these are the median amounts:

HIB (given at birth, 2 months, 4 months, 6 months, and 15 months)- 225 micrograms per shot
Pc (given at 2 months, 4 months, 6 months, and 15 months)- 125 micrograms
DtaP (given at 2 months, 4 months, 6 months, 18 months, and 5 years)- 170 to 625 micrograms (too much of a broad range to average it out!)
Hepatitis B (given at birth, 1 month and 6 months)- 250 micrograms
Hepatitis A (given at 1 year and 18 months)- 250 micrograms
HPV (given in 3 doses during the 12th year)- 225 micrograms
Pentacel (combination of DTaP, HIB and polio given in place of the individual shots)- 330 micrograms
Pediarix (combination of DTap, Hep B and Polio)- 850 micrograms

Unbelievable, right? Wait, it gets better...

The FDA does not require the manufacturers to print the warning label on each individual vaccine, nor do they have to comply with the regulations for micrograms per liter. At most appointments when vaccinations are given pediatricians like to do them in groups of 2 or 3 at a time. That means at any given well check-up, an infant/toddler/child can receive up to 1225 micrograms in one fell swoop. Hardly within the safe limit.

When these high amounts are put into the bodies of our children, their kidneys cannot filter it all out, and it begins to build up and eventually accumlulate on their brains.
And we wonder why Austism is on the rise?**

*amounts shown are for healthy babies/toddler/children/adults with fully functioning kidneys. Anyone who has kidney disease or kidneys that do not function at 100% are to refer to the newborn safe range for their own.

**there are no studies proving the link between aluminum toxicity and Autism, but with the two rising equally as much, one can only wonder

parenting: part 1

2009-08-18T02:46:00.002-04:00

I became a parent the second that home pregnancy test turned positive. It just took nine months to be able to cradle my child in my arms. Those first moments of seeing her was surreal. Like two old souls reuniting; the face was new but there was that instant spark of recognition. Every morning when she gets up for the day and I look down at her nursing happily it all starts anew. It's how I imagine standing at the edge of Niagara Falls would be. Breathtaking, and witnessing something bigger than your or I, something spiritual. I look at her face and I think she couldn't possibly have been this beautiful yesterday, her eyes couldn't have twinkled as much before, and how much I missed her overnight. She is the most brilliant baby in the world when she points at my nose and smiles, waiting for me to name the body part.

When she wakes up in the middle of the night, only finding solace in the crook of my neck, my heart fills so full I fear it might explode. I run my hand over rose petal soft skin and smell the sweet smell of her hair. She sighs deeply as if to say that the moment we're sharing right then is the only one she'll ever need.

I find joy in everything she does every day, and relish in being there to watch her grow. There was Ariana the newborn, Ariana the baby. Ariana the toddler, and someday Ariana the child, the teenager, and one day (one far off day) Ariana the woman and mother. Every stage has been amazing to experience, and I cling to the precious moments knowing they will be gone all too soon. I picture a woman who is confidant and secure. a woman who has applied the values we spent so many years instilling in her to her everyday life.

I struggle a daily battle with myself. Part of me is desperately trying to cling to anything I can, to freeze every moment in time. To keep her this way forever. The other part is excited to see the next new stage. To feel her hand clutched in mine as we walk and to hear her ramble on about her dreams and her imaginary friends. To awaken her standing in our doorway clutching her horsey, rubbing her sleepy eyes and whispering "Mommy? Daddy?" into the darkness before rushing at our bed and diving in. Knowing that as independent as she has become, she still seeks out the comfort that only the closeness of Mommy and Daddy can bring.

I can't fathom feeling this way about any other child we bring into our family. My heart won't be able to fit inside my chest anymore! There's a saying that I love... "A mother's love doesn't divide, it multiples". I do know that whatever the future may hold for our family, Ariana will always have a special place in my heart as the girl who transformed me into the woman I've always wanted to be. The child who made me a Mommy.

Every Birth Starts the World Anew

2009-08-16T21:46:00.008-04:00

I had the honor of being at the birth of my friend Christina's third child on Monday August 10th. What an amazing experience to be able to watch a birth instead of being the one pushing! She and her husband Jimmy have been long time friends, and being there for such an important day only brought us closer.

Kylia Madelynn- August 10, 2009 9:58pm
8 pounds 5 ounces
17 1/5 inches

I got into town on the 9th of August and camped out at their house that night. She had been contracting mildly all day at about 7-10 minutes apart. I've been looking into getting my doula certification (more on that later) so this was like a trial run for me. We walked a lot, I worked on pressure points that cause the uterus to contract, and she tried some basic stretches and exercises to make sure Kylia was in an optimal position for delivery. Things picked up briefly, but quickly tapered off so we gave up and got some sleep.

The next day, her other children were at my parent's house swimming with the foster kids and Ariana when she called around 3:30pm telling me she was going for another walk around the block with her mother because she started contracting again every 5-7 minutes. We got her kids ready for a possible overnight stay with an aunt since their grandma would be in the delivery room as well. Around 6 or 6:30 we got another call to let us know that she was headed to the hospital with contractions 3-5 minutes apart! We dropped the kids off with their aunt and I got a bag ready for an overnight stay in the hospital. I arrived there at 7 after she had been monitored for an hour and was being admitted. She was having painful contractions every 1.5-3 minutes and had gone from 3cm dilated to 5cm dilated! Once in the room a nurse was trying to administer an IV for fluids to keep her hydrated since you can't eat or drink while laboring in a hospital. I was helping her work on keeping her breathing steady and not tensing up during contractions so her body could do what it needed to. We were asked to leave so the nurse could ask her basic admittance questions (I'm still not sure why we had to leave the room. Marty was there every time they asked me). That took maybe all of 10 minutes but by the time we returned her water had broken and there was meconium in it. She had also zipped right on through to 8.5/9cm dilated and the nurses were paging the midwife and breaking down the bed. My head was spinning, I couldn't even imagine how Christina and Jimmy felt! When a baby passes meconium in utero, they swallow and inhale some during their basic actions in the womb. Usually, the mouth and throat are deeply suctioned with a tube rather than a nasal aspirator so that the meconium isn't drawn down into their lungs when that first breath is taken. Meconium aspiration can cause pneumonia, respiratory distress, and a need for the newborn to be in the NICU.

The birthing ball I had requested while we were killing time in the hallway never even made it to the room. Within 4 pushes a beautifully molded full head of black hair emerged and the midwife quickly started sucking out globs of greenish brown amniotic fluid from her mouth, nose and throat. Poor Christina was told NOT to push and was screaming and panting through a couple contractions. In what was only a few minutes, but I'm sure seemed like forever to her, the midwife told her she could push again. Kylia's shoulders were already starting to squirm their way out, but with Christina's final push she slid right out! The final gush of hindwaters splashed out, green and murky. Her cord was too short to be put directly onto Christina, so the midwife cut it and the nurse whisked her away to the warming table. Jimmy and I went over there with her, camera in tow! She cried heartily the second her body was born, but they still wanted to keep an eye on her coloring and the was she was breathing. She never stopped wailing from that first second on! After being cleaned up and swaddled, they nurse brought her back over to Christina to hold. She attempted to nurse her, but Kylia was too busy letting the world know she wanted to go back inside Mommy's tummy to latch on! She got about 10 minutes with her before she was taken to the nursery. This is where her hospital stay quickly went downhill.

We were transferred to the maternity ward for her post pardum stay where she showered, got dinner and settled in. She made a comment about how disconnected she felt from Kylia since she really didn't get any time to bond with her. The first hour after birth is crucial for Mommy and baby. Both are experiencing a slew of hormones that aide in the bonding process. Nursing should be done for the first time during the first hour, as should skin on skin time. When a baby is taken away from its mother during this crucial time period everything is thrown off. Christina, ever the passive one, realized it had been almost 2 hours since Kylia was born and called the nursery to request that her baby be brought to her. The pediatric nurse there explained that because Kylia was a bigger baby, they had to do a glucose test to make sure there wasn't any gestational diabetes in Christina that went unnoticed. Before they even got the results back (if her blood sugar was low, she would've needed to eat), they gave her a bottle of formula. Everything came back perfect, but of course now she was in a formula coma. A newborn's stomach is the size of a raisin. The bottles the hospital gives for formula fed newborns is 2 ounces. Doesn't seem right, does it? The nurse also told her that since they like to keep babies on a schedule, she wouldn't need to eat for another 3 hours, so that's when Christina would get to see Kylia. She was in tears as she hung up the phone so I went and got a wheelchair so I could take her down there and talk to the nurse face to face. When we got there Kylia was in just a diaper laying under the warmer still. Apparently they needed to monitor her ability to regulate her body temperature for one hour after her first bath. I asked the nurse about Kangaroo Care (which is basically skin on skin, chest to chest hold of a newborn baby which is proven to regulate body temperature, heart rate, and help newborn and premature babies immensely), to which she replied "We don't do that here. It's not our protocol." What a tease for Christina to be standing over her fresh newborn, but unable to hold her close. She demanded that Kylia be brought to her room the very second they were done monitoring her. 30 minutes later she was finally in her Mommy's arms safe and sound. She was still out cold and didn't actually wake to nurse again for a little less than an hour.

She had trouble getting Kylia to latch on all night, but she was determined and by morning Kylia was nursing like a pro.

While we were in the nursery vising Kylia, there were about 7 other babies there. The nursery is brightly lit with fluorescent light bulbs and was so quiet you could hear a pin drop. That environment is the exact opposite of the one these babies had just recently left. They were all swaddled, their little hands covered and alone. At one point, a nearby newborn started to scream and root at his hands, which is a sure sign of hunger. In utero, a baby has constant access to his hands which bring him comfort. A hospital's protocol is to cover them so they don't scratch themselves, but at the same time they're taking away the only familiar comfort the baby has. The nurse checked his diaper without even picking him up out of the sterile plastic bassinet, then went to her desk and looked over a piece of paper. I'm assuming it was a list of when each baby there had eaten last because she looked over at the newborn saying "Oops! Not time for you to eat yet!" and shoved a pacifier in his mouth, holding it there until he stopped crying around it and trying to push it out with his tongue. I was so upset my entire body was shaking and I couldn't swallow the lump in my throat. Where was this baby's mother? Why do these new mothers think that their babies are safe and sound in the hospital nursery where they are not cuddled, not talked to, and not fed when they're hungry? My heart was breaking into pieces and the impulsive side of me wanted to pick up each baby one at a time and hold it close, singing softly to ii and shielding its eyes from the light, but the side of me that's aware of laws and repercussions kept my hands in my pockets and bolted out the door as soon as Christina said she was ready to go back to her room.

My hospital stay was sunshine and roses compared to Christina's! Although I'm coming to realize that hers is the experience women all across the country are having on a daily basis. The worst part is that they're accepting it as what's normal for bringing a new life into the world. These nurses and doctors are robbing us of all of our instincts and insisting that they know better because they have a degree in pediatric medicine. If a baby is born with a defect that requires surgery, a doctor is the first person I would bring him or her to. But for a healthy, full term baby, the hospital is the last place I would want to be. As joyful and amazing as Christina's experience was, it also solidified my decision to never birth in a hospital again.

I realize that was a little long winded, but I cannot finish a post about a new life without new pictures! Please ignore the date on the bottom right hand corner of the pictures. Apparently no one thought to check what the camera was programmed to!

Sugarplum Fairy

2009-08-15T21:16:00.003-04:00

My feeble attempts at organizing our tiny apartment usually turn into strolls down memory lane as I uncover old cards, concert tickets, or clothes. Today I tackled the hall closet which has become a catch all for random items without a home. I found in the very back a bag with the material I draped over the archway at our wedding. Just to jog your memory:

I wanted to do something with it, but was at a loss until Ariana scurried by me bare bottomed. A tutu- perfect! It only took a few chunks from the ends of the aqua and salmon colored pieces so I can keep it with my other fabric for use at a later date. I'm thinking of using some for layering (and va-va-voom volume!) under a party dress for Ariana but we'll see. She was intrigued with the first knot I tied, and as a the skirt became recognizable she kept trying to drag it out of my hands and across the room. She has a few spots that are black holes for toys and I didn't want it to disappear forever!

this is the finished result!

She looks like a true Sugarplum Fairy!

countdown is on

2009-08-14T12:54:00.002-04:00

There are only 17 days left until Ariana's first birthday! Would you believe that we are still working on sending out the invitations? If you know us I'm sure that's no surprise! I'm excited and depressed, anxious and nervous, and shocked and prepared all at the same time. I'm both ends of the spectrum and all emotions in between.

Ariana is a toddler in every sense of the word now! She "toddles" everywhere and even attempts to run. She has discovered that "no" means hurry up and do it before Mommy can get to you (or would that be a teenager trait?). If she sees that the pantry door is open, she makes a beeline for it. I'll say "No, Ariana..." as I'm walking towards her, but she stops, looks over her shoulder at me, giggles and runs towards it. The other day at the park, I tried to take her hand to guide her towards the car, but Miss Independent jerked her hand away and ran in the other direction.

The fun has only begun!

She's down to nursing only 4 times a day which makes it easier to be out and about during the day. I actually think that she's nursing less because we're doing more. She gets so into playing or trying to keep up with older kids that she forgets to nurse. First thing in the morning, before her nap, before bedtime, and once in the middle of the night. Did I also mention that she's down to just one nap in the afternoon? This also makes it much easier to take her places since we don't have to revolve our day around her two naps with only 2/3 hours of awake time in between.

She still only has two bottom teeth, with no signs of more coming in for the time being. It's cute to see so few teeth on such a big girl! The only thing I'm dreading is teething when she can say "Mommy, boo-boo!" while pointing to her mouth.

Being paci free is WONDERFUL! She is happy nursing a bit, reading some books, and playing quietly (or sometimes not so quietly) in her crib until she falls asleep most of the time. I've been keeping a couple board books in her crib to keep her happy before and after a nap and it's working like a charm!

Once I have a chance to upload new pictures and videos you can bet they'll be on here first thing!

11 months old

2009-08-01T21:00:00.007-04:00

Ariana is 11 months old! This month will be a month of reflection, sentiments, and emotions. She is getting so big and accomplishing so much it's making our heads spin!

We took her to the park the day before her 11 month "birthday" since that's when Marty was off. She still isn't too fond of the swings. In fact, I could say that she's downright afraid of them. She braces herself on the chains and her whole body tenses up and shudders. We'll try again another time when she's a bit older and see how she does. She LOVED the slide, though! She got to go down once with Daddy, once with Mommy, and once by herself! Don't worry, I was at the top and held her under her armpits until about 1/4 of the way down, and Marty was kneeling at the bottom reaching about 1/4 of the way up. We didn't just toss her down it! There was a rocking horse type teeter totter that she went bananas for. Of course we should've known- it's a horsey! She was trying to rock and bounce it on her own within seconds of Marty sitting her on it! Most of all, she loved getting to walk around and play with the other kids. She sqeals and grunts at them trying to engage them in play and it melt our hearts!

Just for fun: here's Ariana showing off her new hat/face mask and her first... boat?

Project Paci Removal

2009-07-29T12:59:00.006-04:00

The time has come for the pacifiers to disappear. We had planned on doing it at one year, so we're not too far off. She's not a full time paci baby, but there are always two in her crib, and two in the diaper bag for car ride meltdowns. When she was one month old we started working to get her to take a paci since she was such a high sucking needs baby. All babies need to suck, but Ariana wanted to suck all the time! She would nurse, comfort nurse, and pass out, but still want to be latched on constantly. If my nipple wasn't in her mouth, she was fussing and rooting. Now, with all breastfed babies, the constant need to suck in the first couple of months is nature's way of establishing and maintaining a good supply. It's recommended to not introduce a pacifier to a breastfed baby until 6 weeks, or even not at all, as all of their sucking energy can be expelled on it instead of the breast. There are different sucks for a pacifier and a breast, so it can also hurt a baby's latch, causing pain for the mother. Of if I knew then what I know now! But in all honesty, we never had an issues with nursing save oversupply and overactive letdown which just took some time to get her used to.

She finally started accepting the paci around 5 or 6 weeks, and would only get it in the car. As she got older and a bedtime routine was established I would switch out the breast for the paci once she was old cold and not sucking, but still latched on. This became our habit for naps, too. Now that she thinks she's too much of a big girl to be nursed to sleep, she unlatches herself and pops the paci in her own mouth (she likes to hold it while we nurse) and push away from me to be put down in her crib. So now at just days shy of 11 months old, we're going cold turkey with taking the pacifier away.

I'll update this post as the day goes on and for the next couple of days so others thinking of doing the same thing can read our experience and apply it to their pacifier weaning

Bedtime Tuesday Night
The first thing we did was take the pacis out of her crib so she wouldn't see them.
We kept everything the same routine wise (bath, music on, naked time, lotion, jammies, book, nurse) except while nursing in the glider, we held onto her horsey, which is another comfort item for her. When she popped off herself and opened her mouth for her paci. I held her upright against my chest with her horsey and rocked and sang to her. she pushed off of me as usual, but I didn't want to put her down and begin a freak out session (we're very anti-cry it out). I offered her the other breast, but she just poked at my nipple and laughed, so that wasn't what she wanted. I finally decided to try just putting her down as usual, but sans pacifier. She rolled over hugging her horsey and went to sleep! I was amazed and excited as how easy this was going to be!

Morning Nap Wednesday
While playing in the living room, Ariana started rubbing her eyes and yawning around 10:30am so we moved to the bedroom. I changed her diaper, turned on her music and we sat down to nurse again with her horsey. Everything went the same as last night, but after about 5 minutes of being in her crib singing to herself I think she realized what was missing and started yelling at her bedroom door. I went back in a few minutes later to find her blankie, horsey, and froggie strewn across the floor and her standing there looking at them still yelling. I sat back down with her and offered the other breast which she took eagerly. She only comfort nursed for a few minutes before popping off and trying to sit up. she threw her horsey on the floor again. I tried rocking her in every position with and without the horsey. She was quiet and resting her head on my shoulder so I tried putting her down. The second her back hit the mattress blood curdling scream erupted from her mouth. I grabbed her up and tried walking with her. Didn't work. we sat back down, but she wanted nothing to do with my breasts, her blankie or her horsey. I tried patting her tush, I tried singing "You are my Sunshine", I tried humming, I tried tracing my fingertips on her forehead and temples. Nothing worked and she just kept pushing me away and screaming. Not too many tears, just screaming. I almost gave in a few times, but I kept reminding myself that we would just have to go through this again for her afternoon nap and most likely bedtime, too. We are both stubborn so it took an hour and 15 minutes before she was asleep and in her crib. I even resorted to putting her down when she got quiet and rubbing her back, but she would start screaming again and stand up reaching for me. I know she was confused, I know what she wanted. But she doesn't need her paci anymore, plus it's such a pain for us to search for a clean paci when she's crying in the back of the car after 10 minutes of driving. What finally worked was attempting to nurse her again, which she accepted being so overtired at that point, and rocked her so hard I thought the glider was going to tip over. I lowered my face right near hers she when I sang quietly to her, she could feel my breath on her forehead. Her arms and legs went limp within minutes and I was able to break the latch without her even flinching. I rocked her for another minute before putting her down. That was 30 minutes ago, and I haven't heard a peep from her room.

Afternoon Nap Wednesday
...never happened. I should also add that she woke up crying maybe an hour after she finally fell asleep for her morning nap and refused to go back down. Not fun. Needless to say, she will be going to bed early tonight!

Bedtime Wednesday Night
instead of her normal bedtime of 7:30/8:00, she was out of the bath and in her jammies by 6:30! She started fussing and rubbing her eyes during dinner at 5:30, though so she needed to go to bed early as I predicted. She popped off after nursing and started gurgling at me, so I offered the other side. In all of her almost 11 months we have never nursed on both sides, so she is still wanting to suck more. This may help bring my supply back up, since it seems to have dipped again as is common around a year since babies are too active to be bothered with nursing as much! She went down just fine, but woke up FOUR times crying throughout the night. She slept in until almost 8:30, so she made up for it. Thankfully Marty has the day off, so he got up with her and fed her breakfast so I could sleep in until 9:30! Have I mentioned how much I adore my husband? Each time she woke up last night, she would nurse for less than a minute before falling back asleep again, so I'm guessing she usually wakes up periodically throughout the night, pops her paci back in and drifts off. I hope this passes soon! I fell asleep with her a few times in the glider!

Afternoon Nap Thursday
Since Ariana's been fighting her afternoon nap, or just taking very short naps every day for about a week now, I'm experimenting with only one nap today. We went to the park and out to lunch for a couple hours, so she was up for 4 1/2 hours instead of her usual 3 before she goes down. She did so well! I was worried about being in the car without a paci to soothe her, but she only fussed a few times and a board book or a little toy did the trick! We nursed on both sides again, and she was out instantly. I rocked her for a few more minutes- I miss those days so much- before putting her in her crib. She hasn't made a peep in about 30 minutes, so we'll see how she does. So far so good today, though! Update: her nap lasted an hour and a half. She's still fussy, but won't go back to sleep for anything.

Early Evening Nap Thursday
Ariana wouldn't go back to sleep, and was being really uncoordinated. She would cry every time she plopped down from walking, which is really unlike her, so while Marty was cooking dinner around 4:30/5:00, I attempted to put her down for a cat nap until dinner was ready. I think my mistake was trying to do only one nap and she got waaay overtired. We nursed and I rocked, sang, hummed, walked, bounced, tried to nurse again, but she was screaming and crying in my ear. I came close to breaking and just getting her a paci, but I felt that we had made progress and I didn't want to regress. It felt like hours that we were in there, and quickly I started crying and feeling her frustration. She started pushing me away and hitting my chest because nursing is not what she wanted. I knew what she wanted, which was the hardest part, but I know she doesn't NEED it. She threw her horsey across the room, which is usually such a comfort item to her, she didn't want her taggie blanket. I finally put her down on the ground, defeated and with my blood pressure through the roof and she instantly stopped the hysterics and toddled off to play. This was by far the hardest part of project paci removal, but I'm hoping we had a breakthrough, and not leaving her to cry it out hopefully helped her to know that we're not trying to leave her to her own defenses, but rather help her find a different way to fall asleep.

Bedtime Thursday Night
Marty gave Ariana a bath, then handed her off to me for the rest of our routine. She did great and passed out after nursing on both sides. Bedtime really hasn't been the struggle, though. She woke up crying around midnight and nursed for barely 2 minutes before going back to sleep, then again at around 4:30 when she did the same thing. What an improvement from last night when she woke up FOUR times!

Morning Nap Friday
We went into her room at the first sign of sleepiness so we could avoid the overtired scenario from yesterday. We turned on her music, changed her diaper, and sat down to nurse. She stopped nursing and started poking at my face and "talking" to me. I snuggled her as long as she would let me before giving her the horsey and laying her down and walking out. I was doing laundry, but keeping an ear out for her. She was playing for a while before she started fussing. I went in to find her blanket and could stuffed animals we keep in her crib on the floor and her standing there pointing at them. I gathered them up and put them back, picked her up and snuggled her some more this time holding her horsey with us. her eyelids were heavy, but wouldn't close, so I did the same thing as before. Again, like before she started fussing maybe 15 minutes later after talking and playing by herself, so I replaced the again strewn about items, but this time offered to nurse again. She hesitated, but latched on and just suckled for a few minutes before drifting off peacefully. I rocked her to make sure she was really sleeping, then put her in her crib. She's been sound asleep for about 30 minutes, so we'll see how long she sleeps! I'm really excited at her progress already though!

Afternoon Nap Friday
What's an afternoon nap?

Bedtime Friday Night
Bedtime, as usual, went without a hitch. The best part? She woke up once at her pre-project paci removal time of midnight. She woke up for the day at 7:45. I am in paci free heaven!

Morning Nap Saturday
She fought me tooth and nail on this one. Absoloutely refused to even close one eye. So after 20 minutes of trying, I brought her back out into the living room where she could play with Daddy before he left for work and expell some more energy. Not even a full hour later she walked up to me rubbed her eyes and yawned. Off to bed she went like an angel! It only lasted about an hour, though.

Afternoon Nap Saturday
She went down easily, but woke up SCREAMING bloody murder after about 30-45 minutes. I bolted in there expecting to see her head stuck through the rails of her crib, but she was just sitting there, eyes still closed. That first sleep cycle is harder for her to get through without being able to suck on her paci. Understandably so. I rocked her for a few minutes until her limbs were limp and she went back down for... drumroll please... TWO HOURS!

Bedtime Saturday Night
Bedtime went as bedtimes do lately. I think we have successfully accomplished Project Paci Removal!

Music

2009-07-23T22:46:00.002-04:00

I've always used writing as an outlet for emotions, and have a pile of notebooks and journals next to our bed to show for it. I can open one up and thumb to any page and be taken back to that exact moment. I can feel the fear or the excitement all over again. Some of it is poetic, some of it is just free writing. I've attempted a few songs, but I'm missing one crucial aspect of song writing: I can't sing. I can carry a tune, but the only person who enjoys listening to me sing songs in loops is Ariana.

I was sent a link to a song that I have listened to countless times in the past couple days. Her voice is captivating and her singing gives me goosebumps. She captures that moment beautifully and even though it's not my words from my experience I can feel the cold jelly and the Doppler on my stomach and still hear that racing heartbeat like it was the firs time again. i thought I would share it here so other Mommies can relive that moment again.

America's Next Top Model

2009-07-20T14:34:00.006-04:00

A woman who works for the Chamber of Commerce bought this dress for Ariana right after she was born. The Chamber has get together's at the Applebee's Marty works at, and he quickly became their favorite manager to come see. The dress is warm, so she might not be wearing it much this summer, but it does finally fit her! We had to model it so that we could e-mail pictures and they came out so great! I've been experimenting with a program similar to Photoshop, but just a portion of the price and it's so much fun!

Here's America's Next top Model hamming it up!

No post is complete without bath time pictures!

Brushing her teeth with her new big girl toothbrush. For all two teeth.

(Last one I promise) Showing off her first Muttaqin Baby diaper!

Rant

2009-07-16T22:18:00.002-04:00

Just for one second I would like to give everyone another perspective on the systems in our country that are "for the good of our children". When parents neglect or abuse and don't deserve the title Mommy and Daddy anymore. When a newborn fresh from God is shoved into a box and left to die, these children are taken into the custody of the state and placed with foster parents. The biological parents have to chance to do x, y and z in order to get their kids back in a certain amount of time, or they are terminated and the children go up for adoption. "What a wonderful thing for these children, scarred from emotional and physical abuse, to be able to start fresh!" you might say.

Well I'm here to tell you that America's foster care system is a big crock of shit. (pardon my French) What would you call it when a brand new baby is given to foster parents under the assumption they would adopt her? What about if I told you this baby has been stashed in a closed cardboard box, newly cut umbilical cord stump tied off with dental floss, and left to scream until she was so hoarse and defeated that she didn't make another sound for the whole first week of her life? The foster parents took her into their arms and hearts nurtured, cooed, and doted on her. Holding her every second they could, looking into deep blue eyes and creating a bond. What amazing people they are; so selfless, so giving. Here's the kicker- fast forward to six weeks later. The couple tries to get information on the legalities of her adoption into their family. The now month and a half old who social smiles, coos to engage you in play, and can stick out her tongue with the best of them. Amidst a lot of back peddling they are told that there must've been a lack of communication somewhere because the precious child was promised to a couple the day she was discovered in the box. A couple working with a private adoption agency for three years to become first time parents. My heart goes out to them, it truly does. But what do you do about the shattered pieces of the foster parent's hearts? The hearts that accepted the tiny human being as their own and meandered around Babies R Us picking out dream decor for her nursery? Nothing is done. No apology, nothing to make up for it (although I doubt there is much that could be done). Just the assumption that a band aid will be slapped on just like in the past and they will move on. They are supposed to continue giving so much of themselves to help children in limbo who are in the custody of the state. A state that frankly doesn't give a damn about them or the foster parents who give them a roof over their head, food in their tummies, and love in their heart.

What has happened to us? Have we become so selfish, so money hungry that we no longer can see past the ledger in our checkbooks? When someone is stuck on the side of the road, engine billowing smoke, we drive on without a second glace. Someone else will help. When we're all thinking that way there isn't "someone else". When did e-mails replace phone calls and text messages replace hand written letters? What happened to caring about others? What happened to being passionate about what we do? Achieving that monthly paycheck is all we're after, instead of putting our all into the job that earns it. I think it's absolutely despicable that this couple is now left to their own defenses all because someone failed to communicate. Because one person made a decision that should've been agreed upon by a boardroom full of people? Since when do we give one person, who is removed from the situation entirely, the power to decide a child's fate?

I'm ashamed to say I will one day send my daughter out into this world. A daughter who we are working so hard to raise the right way. What a slap in the face she will get one day when she ventures out into the cut throat working world on her own. I pray to God something changes before then.

Better Every Day

2009-07-15T16:58:00.001-04:00

Our Father's Day Artwork

2009-07-02T22:37:00.011-04:00

Thanks, Jacqueline for commenting on Ariana's picture in our blog header. It reminded me that I never posted Ariana's Father's Day gift for Marty!

I was brainstorming something along the lines of a picture, but getting a picture of Ariana without her finger poking in the lens nowadays is impossible. Then the light bulb went off. Why not paint a picture? With a (at the time) 9 month old? Why not?

I found a recipe for homemade finger paints so that when it inevitably ended up in her mouth I wouldn't have to call poison control. This website has some great ideas, if anyone else is brave enough to finger paint with an infant, or do other fun kid-friendly crafts.

As the paints were cooling in their cups, I spread out an old bed sheet that is too small for our bed. Come to think of it, I have no idea why it's in our linen closet or how it even got in there! Anyway... it made a fantastic carpet-protector from the paint monster (Ariana)! I bought small poster board for her to paint on, but we were lucky that any of the paint made it there at all.

One was for Dada, one for Pop-Pop and one for Grandpa Rex.

For those of you interested in the process, it went something like this:

First you have to rub some into the sheet

then, you have to rub some into your face and taste it

Just for good measure, taste it again

Inspect your artwork and get really excited about it

Have your Mommy take a quick photo for evidence that you weren't unsupervised during the finger painting

Last but not least, you have to take a bath to get clean.

WALKING!

2009-07-01T19:34:00.003-04:00

For those of you thinking I've been exaggerating Ariana's advanced walking skills, I'm posting today to prove you wrong! I was able to have Daddy distract her from the camera long enough to catch it on film! Usually she hears the beep of the record mode and stops whatever she's doing.

With a little bit of sneakiness and and lot of patience, we are happy to present to you...

WALKING ARIANA!!!!!!!!!!
(look how steady she is on her feet!)

Baby Carrier

2009-06-29T13:19:00.009-04:00

We've run the gamut when it comes to baby carriers starting with our very first, which was called The Ultimate Wrap by Parents of Invention. A much cheaper knock off of the Moby Wrap. There was yards upon yards of fabric and although one month old Ariana fell peacefully asleep the moment she was snuggled inside, the fabric bunched up on my back making me seem much heavier than I was at the time and I felt very self conscious in it.

Then when she was 2 1/2 months old, we bought a structured Infantino brand carrier:

(I swear she was pretty comfortable in this, contrary to what her facial expression portrays in this picture at 3 months old!)

At four months old, we discovered ring slings! This was our first:

It's a linen cotton blend that I bought from sleepingbaby.net and used constantly. A small rip formed about halfway down the fabric's edge and made me nervous to wear her in it. Thankfully, I have a friend who makes and sells ring sling, and she custom made me that we still use!

Once Ariana started getting too heavy for her weight to be supported by one shoulder, I researched wraps again. I made myself a temporary wrap out of an old bed sheet by cutting it in half lengthwise and sewing the two halves together. We tried her on my back for the very first time in a hold called 'the rucksack carry'. It was an instant hit!

The cotton blend sheet got too hot for walking around outside in the Florida summer heat, so I decided to make my own Mei Tai this past week. I would be able to wear her on my back or front, there would be less fabric so we wouldn't sweat to death being pressed up against each other, and I could make it reversible! This is the end result that I am beyond proud of:

It has a sleeping hood so when she falls asleep her head doesn't bobble all over the place, which is genius. Thanks to this blog for the tutorial!

Crunchy Essentials

2009-06-29T11:46:00.009-04:00

Crunchy: Displaying liberal social attitudes and lifestyles associated with the 1960s: “There's a distinct crunchy-granola flavor to much of the area, with macrobiotic restaurants, earring vendors on the street...”(www.answers.com)

Being crunchy usually goes hand in hand with attachment parenting. HUH? you say as you scratch your head.

Attachment Parenting: a phrase coined by pediatrician William Sears, is a parenting philosophy based on the principles of the attachment theory in developmental psychology. According to attachment theory, a strong emotional bond with parents during childhood, also known as a secure attachment, is a precursor of secure, empathic relationships in adulthood. Per Dr. Sears' theory of attachment parenting, proponents such as the Attachment Parenting International attempt to foster a secure bond with their children by promoting eight principles which are identified as goals for parents to strive for. These eight principles are:

Preparation for Pregnancy, Birth and Parenting
Feed with Love and Respect
Respond with Sensitivity
Use Nurturing Touch
Ensure Safe Sleep, Physically and Emotionally
Provide Consistent Loving Care
Practice Positive Discipline
Strive for Balance in Personal and Family Life (http://en.wikipedia.org)

I believe that Attachment Parenting (AP) is more about trusting your gut instincts than it is about following a parenting style. I had didn't hear the term AP until Ariana was almost 4 months old, and at that point we were already breastfeeding, cosleeping, baby wearing, learning her different cries, and had immediate skin on skin contact after Marty delivered her at birth. Ariana chose this lifestyle! She was the one who wanted to sleep nestled between Marty and I or on one of our chests. She was the one who preferred being carried near my heart as opposed to a stroller or a car seat. She was the one who would attack my breasts on a hourly basis. So that's the routine that we fell into because it came naturally.

As far as being crunchy goes, I would consider us more of a lightly toasted family (mmm... bagels). People have always told me that I seemed to be stuck in the wrong generation, and that the 60's and 70's is where I belong. I would abandon all modern day conveniences to move our family to the farm, but i think... no, I KNOW Marty would commit me to the loony bin if I ever suggested such a thing! I believe in a simpler life, a more wholesome life, so all I can do is try and incorporate those beliefs here and now.

Some crunchy essentials and their uses:

White distilled vinegar

An alternative to bleach, 409, Windex, Lime Away, degreaser, weed killer, cut flower preserver, ant killer, and onion odor remover!

When you hear the word vinegar, most people automatically think of that bitter taste and a smell that burns your nostrils. When I use it as a floor/countertop/stove/window cleaner in a 50/50 solution with water, the smell is gone almost as soon as it's there! Plus, I would much rather I (or Ariana) inhale vinegar fumes than those of 409 or Windex. When Ariana was a constant fountain of spit up, an overnight soak of a 50/50 mixture would eliminate the sour milk smell and completely sterilize her toys. Plus, I could just rise with cold water and hand them to her without worrying about her ingesting bleach residue! I do the same for her bath toys once a week to discourage algae or cold from growing inside of them.

Her diapers (did I mention cloth diapers are the epitome of crunchy?) get washed on cold with 1/4 cup- 1 full cup of vinegar depending on the size of the load and the urine smell, before getting a hot wash with free and clear detergent. it brightens the whites, doesn't bleach out the beautiful prints on her covers, and will not ruin the integrity of the fibers.

I also use vinegar on all of our clothes for stains and the lingering smell of cigarette smoke (Marty swears he's quitting!).

Hydrogen peroxide can be used for most of the same purposes as vinegar around the house!

Tea tree oil

An antiseptic, germicide, and fungicide.

We have not Incorporated this into our household yet, but I have heard wonderful things about using it in diaper pails, and combined with essential oils for a cloth wipes solution.

Tea tree oil is a natural deodorizer. Add a few drops of tea tree oil to your wash to help deodorize clothes to get rid of odors. Add a few drops to your household cleaning solution to help repel insects. It helps disinfect areas that may harbor bacteria and viruses such as athletes foot, colds, thrush, cold sores & canker sores, tooth ache & gum infections, ringworm, candida, head lice, mosquito bites, cuts, abrasions, after shave, sunburn, unwanted body odors, and acne just to name a few!

Buying organic or growing your own fruits and veggies.

The produce market has become extremely industrialized and more and more farmers are using chemical fertilizers and pesticides which both are absorbed into the fruits and vegetables. The naturally occurring (and very healthy) minerals phosphorous, iron, calcium, protein, riboflavin, and ascorbic acid (a precursor of vitamin C) have all decreased 15-38 percent in a study of produce from 1950 to 1999! No wonder all doctors recommend daily vitamins now for vitamins people were getting just from their daily meals 59 years ago! because farming is such an in demand business, crops have to grow larger and faster to be profitable and so farmers can compete with each other for profit. In doing so, we have lost almost all nutritional value. The plant just cannot synthesize at the same rate it is demanded to grow.

A sewing machine.

Sewing for me has become as much of a hobby as it is a long-term money saving product. If you consider that the average cost of an outfit for a baby is $15.00, and that babies grow so quickly that these outfits can be worn for maybe a month. Let's figure you buy 10 outfits a month. That equals $150.00 a month and $1800.oo a year! Ten outfits a month is low balling it big time, especially if you consider new outfits for holidays, professional pictures, clothes that are ruined from food or milk stains, and rips and tears!
The average yard of fabric costs $6.99. With one yard of fabric I have been able to make 2 dresses for Ariana with enough scraps leftover to make small projects like stuffed soft stacking squares! So at $3.50 (rounded up) per outfit, at 10 outfits per month is $35.00, or $420.00 a year! The difference is staggering! Plus, the gratification you get from seeing your child wear something you made- then get compliments on it while you're out is priceless!

I'm stopping here because I could go on for days! I will keep gathering up information from my personal experience and from the advice of others to share with you in another post another day.

DaDa vs. Walking

2009-06-26T09:22:00.002-04:00

Marty and realized something last night while watching the newest video of Ariana. (In case you're wondering the video displays once and for all which parent Ariana prefers, and yes you will get to see it soon enough) We realized that we, as neglectful friends, relatives, and general blogging people do, have yet to share Ariana's AMAZING feat of grace, strength, and milestone madness.

Ok grace might be pushing it.

Independent, tentative steps have been taken! The first ones happened at Nanny and Pop Pop's house on June 8th when she couldn't quite reach the couch from the coffee table. What's a girl to do? Walk to it, of course! And so it began. Her new favorite past time is going back and forth from Mommy to Daddy giggling all the way. Then there's always the occasional steps from her activity table to her shopping cart. When that journey is taken, Mommy is NOT allowed to cheer, clap and make exaggerated happy faces at the big girl, or else a furrowed brow and blank stare is received as if to say, "yeah, I did it, no biggie."

I promise, as soon as we're both home at the same time and remember to set up the camcorder, an entire post will be devoted to the princess.

Did I mention that she looks like a drunken sailor?

As promised, without further ado...

Un-Baby Proofing

2009-06-25T22:38:00.003-04:00

Today during Ariana's second nap for the day instead of finishing the dishes in the sink, or switching the load of laundry from the washer to the dryer I found myself stuck in front of the computer. My affinity for all things baby is insatiable. So as always, I start out by watching a clip of a friend's baby on youtube.com doing something new and exiting. The sidebar of related videos taunts me incessantly, so I venture off to watch stranger's babies doing something new and cute as well. Somewhere in the mix, an icon of a crying baby pops up, pouty lip and all. I cannot resist. The crying baby inevitably leads to links of videos entitled "in memory of". I can't stop now, I'm in too deep. So I watch, and I ooh and aah at the perfect preemies and newborns in the montage of pictures. The tears start flowing as I minimize the screen to peek at my beautiful, healthy, thriving baby girl that adorns the desktop of my computer before returning to the clip. Babies who return to heaven too soon leaving parents with empty arms and hearts. It's torture watching these videos, but I just cannot help it! Why should I be blessed with such a miracle? What makes me so special?

Ariana lets me know she's up by cooing, babbling, and screeching at her closed bedroom door. It's my signal to close out the window of pain and anguish and tend to my daughter. She smiles and dances leaning on the railing of her crib, the pacifier hanging out of her mouth like Popeye's pipe. We sit and snuggle in the glider as long as she'll let me, then it's off to play.

We keep all of our Tupperware in a microwave cart just outside of our too small kitchen, and a couple months ago it became Ariana's favorite place to raid. I baby proofed it because, well, because stepping over a mountain of containers and lids was a pain. Not to mention having to clean it up every night. God forbid! I smile at Ariana who is now watching my every move as if sensing something monumental is about to happen. I remove the baby lock and put it on the counter before stepping back and looking at my precious daughter. She squeals and high tails it to the cabinet, tearing through the two shelves faster than I can blink. As she sits in a pile of joy, I vow to keep it unlocked. How blessed am I to be able to clean up after my daughter?! Why should I withhold simple pleasures from her? She sat, stood, banged, and stacked to her little heart's content and all was well in the house of Chappell.

Please excuse the poor quality of these pictures. Marty has the digital camera in the back of the car, so I was left with only my camera phone.

Just Because

2009-06-13T21:45:00.002-04:00

Just because we love bathtime and Ariana is so darn cute!

First Clubhouse

2009-06-13T21:29:00.005-04:00

Marty and I recently bought a new computer and still had the box in our bedroom. Today I brought it out into the living room so I would remember to take it to the dumpster. Ariana was instantly intrigued by it's presence and crawled around it, pulled up and cruised around it, and finally knocked it on it's side which is when the fun began! She checked out the inside tentatively and brought a toy in it with her. She smiled and talked to the box while trying to stand up inside of it! Why didn't I think of this sooner! Watching her brought back memories of an old refrigerator box my brother and I confiscated and turned into a clubhouse. We had such a blast with it that I wanted to give Ariana the same pleasure. Now, she's about 5 years younger that I was when I built mine, but she could still enjoy her very own clubhouse, right? Of course!

So during nap time, I brought out the scissors and my oil pastels and went to town on the box. It is now complete with hearts, starts, two windows, a door, and the always necessary "no boys allowed!" warning on the front. She LOVES it! it was a hit all day and is now sitting with her other favorite toys waiting until tomorrow when she can explore in it again.

Thoughts on having a 9 month old

2009-06-13T21:12:00.003-04:00

Nine months old seems like such a big girl, doesn't it? I feel most of the time like she understands me, but then we have a night like tonight where she obviously doesn't! I try to talk to her like I would another adult instead of using baby talk, so when she stood up in the tub for the gazillionth time, I sat her down and calmly explained to her that standing up in the tub can get her boo-boos because she'll fall over and that would make Mommy sad. Of course she still looks at me like I just told her she could never have another hug and screamed:

Marty and I have been throwing around ideas for her first birthday party. Themes or a color scheme, outside or inside, a park or our apartment's party room. I can imagine the party playing out in my head almost as clearly as I can her birth. This year has flown by waaay too quickly. I guess when everyone told me to enjoy it, that the first year is over as soon as it's begun I should have listened and not just smiled and nodded.

Ariana is currently 19 pounds 7 ounces according to our Wii Fit, and 30 1/2" tall by our tape measure. We need to schedule her a 9 month well visit, but we're waiting on her records to me sent from the old pediatrician's office to the one closest to our apartment. We do delayed vaccinations, so usually babies wouldn't have any shots at their 9 month well check up, but Ariana will be getting third Hepatitis B shot, and her second DTap. Two shots at one time would usually make me uneasy as they effect her pretty badly (low grade fever and lethargy), but the DTap shot we're getting has no mercury or aluminum, so it'll be ok. The Vaccine Book by Dr. Sear has been a lifesaver! Usually we just research online about vaccinations and our options, but I found a brand new copy of the book on Amamzon.com for $5.95, and you can't go wrong at that price! It explains all the ingredients of each brand for each shot, the pros and cons, and what he, as a parent and a pediatrician recommends.

Nine Months Old

2009-06-01T00:11:00.004-04:00

I'll need a day or two to organize my thoughts and write a post for this month, but just to tide you over... a heartwarming picture from today. These two are my WHOLE WORLD and I could not imagine life without them.

Daddy and his little clone:

A Day in the Life

2009-05-30T21:03:00.008-04:00

A day in the life of an (almost) nine month old series one: Meals.

First we do breasfast about a hour after waking and nursing. This morning she tried kiwi for the very first time. Approved! (I had the news on the tv, hence the blank stare off to the right)

Then, sometime after her first nap if she seems restless puffs are always a quick cure. They're bite sized, tasty and melt in her mouth!

"Now how do I get them out of the container and into my mouth?":

"This might work...":

"...but I think I know a better way.":

"MUCH better!":

Last but not least, about two hours before bedtime, dinner time! Tonight we had rice with broccoli, carrots, and peas. Yum! This is also her favorite meal to get everywhere!

Always something new going on

2009-05-29T08:35:00.005-04:00

This picture could have so many captions. I happened to be snapping pictures of her playing and this amazing photo op just happened upon me. I couldn't have planned it better! The raspberry-blowing, "cookie" holding, standing all by herself big girl has been doing so many new things I'm having to sit and fill out her developmental calendar every night.

She's definitely strong enough to be doing it, but it's part lack of balance, part nervousness that is keeping her from standing independently all the time. She can go from squatting to standing by just using her legs to propel herself up. I told you she is strong! She tries letting go of her activity table, the couch, or where ever she is cruising, but usually doubts herself and sits down or grabs onto the said surface again. Her first steps are just around the corner and a whole new world will open for both of us!

She's started spontaneously signing "milk" to me as well! We were struggling trying to get her jammies on the other night (yes, it's a two person job sometimes!) and as she was lying there crying she outstretched her arms and signed milk over and over again until I exclaimed "You want some milk" to which she stopped crying, kept signing milk and started breathing heavily in anticipation! We were both so proud of her! I'm working on getting it on camera, but the second she sees the camcorder, she makes a beeline for me and climbs up to poke the lens with her finger.

To top it all off, she's now waving bye-bye and hi! It breaks Marty's heart because now we know that she's aware of when he's leaving for work. She'll cry and wave bye-bye, and once the door is shut, she crawls over to it yelling after him. That would break my heart, too! At the zoo yesterday she was waving at a lot of the animals and the kids passing by. We get such a kick out of all of these new developments!

Lions and Tigers and Bears, oh my!

2009-05-28T21:20:00.008-04:00

Today we had a family day at the Zoo. It was sweltering out given that it is only May but we had a great time! Ariana didn't know where to look next, but I think Mommy and Daddy had an even better time! It has been years since either one of us has been to the zoo so we made sure to see everything.

This was Ariana's favorite part of the day- her new best friend Billy the Giraffe. We got to feed him wafer type things and she loved it! Billy only stuck out his long tongue to lick Marty despite my attempts to coax it out by holding the wafer back a little bit. When Ariana gets really excited about something new she squeals and grunts. If you don't know her it sounds like she's about to have a melt down, but her limbs tremble with excitement and her eyes get as big as saucers.

We saw (and smelled!) some big African elephants:

As you can tell from this next one, she was more interested in licking the side of Daddy's ice cold Gatorade.

My favorite part was this Orangutan who was either cuddling or nursing (she was covering it, so we couldn't tell) her baby who was born one week before Ariana was! At one point she was stroking her baby's head and it brought to light how human-like they really are.

The only other animal we photographed were these White Bengal Tigers. I believe it was a mother and her two cubs that were wrestling in the water and romping all around their enclosure.

The zoo had so many areas that were just made for kids like a whole jungle gym, petting zoo, pony rides, and those water fountains that shoot up out of the ground. we both talked excitedly about getting to take Ariana back when she's old enough and letting her let loose there!

If Mommy's eating it, I want it

2009-05-17T22:45:00.002-04:00

Why, what big teeth you have!

2009-05-17T21:59:00.005-04:00

First tooth:

Two teeth and oh so cute!

and just for fun:

trying to suck on her baby doll's paci

I've been wearing her like this and we both love it!

her nightly ritual of pulling everything off her changing table shelves

Walking & Signing

2009-05-17T20:57:00.003-04:00

Marty and I have been doing sign language with Ariana since she was a little over 6 months old. The experts say to start with three words that they hear often, and to try and stick with nouns. We decided to go with "milk" "more" and "night-night". Night-night got dropped pretty quickly becuase in order for her to associate the sign with the object or action, it has to be signed while saying it prior to, and during. Since she's nursed to sleep, it just didn't make sense. We replaced it with "all done", but that was just recently. She's got the sign for milk down, she just doesn't do it spontaneously. This is the website where you can see how the signs look. She knows what they mean because I've done the sign for milk without saying it and she grunts excitedly and leans towards mt chest open mouthed. A video in the previous post shows her hand jiving, which I thought was just her honing in on her fine motor skills which are needed for things like waving, clapping, and doing sign language.

Out of nowhere tonight during dinner, she was bringing her hands together, wiggling her fingers a little bit, then opening her mouth and doing her darth vader breathing (you'll hear it). It took a couple times of her doing it for me to realize this was her version of the sign for more! I ran and got the video camera, of course.

She's also been obsessed with standing and walking along with her new shopping cart walker! She got really steady really fast with it.

Hand Jive, Baby!

2009-05-06T11:06:00.002-04:00

Ariana must be watching Grease without me knowing because she's been doing the cutest thing for the past few days with her hands. I call it the "Hand Jive" but I think in reality it's just a primitive version of clapping, waving and spontaneously signing at me, not copying me. She's really working on her fine motor skills. It looks shy and coy since she talks away while doing it. She's catching on!

Also, here's one of her playing about a week ago in her room before bedtime. She showing off all her new abilities, so enjoy!

8 months old

2009-05-06T01:15:00.004-04:00

This is what she wears most day due to 9 month clothes being too tight, some 12 month clothes fitting perfect (but not for long), and 18 month sleepers fitting length wise, but too baggy across the middle. Yes, she's a tall girl (wonder where she gets that from?) but the cloth diapers add quite a bit of bulk! We've yet to find feetie jammies for her in 12 or 18 month sizes. I guess people assume by the time a child is big enough for those sizes they no longer pull off their socks to suck on their feet (not true in our household!) and wont get tangled up in a pants/shirt jammies combo. Wrong again! Miss wiggle-butt is all over the place at night: first her back, then her stomach, with her tush in the air, then her arm draped over the tops of the bumpers, and she's always in a different spot than she was before. So we'll keep looking, but for now she's been sleeping in a long sleeved onesie with a pair of babylegs and socks. For some reason she doesn't pull off the socks when they're tucked under babylegs. Maybe she thinks it's one continuous article of clothing?

Anyway, onto the pictures!

so proud of herself:

This is what her exersaucer transformed into:

trying to watch TV (ok, in her defense I did have Noggin on!):

On the move in a big way!:

A whole week?

2009-05-06T00:02:00.001-04:00

Yes, I know it's been a while since I posted last. Yes, boo and hiss at me for not keeping everyone in the loop. Our Internet was down for a few days, and I've hardly had any time to breathe chasing Ariana around, removing her from the dvd tower, practicing my firm "no" complete with a head shake when she uses the phone charger cord as a chew toy or stand up in the bathtub, and trying to tolerate her new habit: wanting to nurse at midnight. She wont go back to sleep without it no matter how much I rock, pat and hum "You Are My Sunshine". She flails excitedly when she sees the tiniest hint of skin being exposed, latches on, sucks maybe five times and passes out cold. Enough excuses...

Since my last post, she's become a master of pulling up, crawling, cruising from couch to end table, turned 8 months old, and cut her first two teeth! I've yet to get a good shot of the chompers, but I'll keep trying. Her bottom middle left one popped up first, and three days later the right one joined it. They gave her hell, and Mommy, too! She screamed and cried and wanted to nurse but wouldn't stay on, she wanted to play by herself but would flail her body backwards, pull up on my legs and reach out crying pathetically until she was back in my arms again. Oy!

What happened to the Mommy Motto of "Just get through the first 3 months and it's smooth sailing from there." or "The newborn stage is the worst!"? I miss the days of her sleeping for 22 hours and only waking periodically throughout the day and night rooting for milk or trying to focus her eyes on our faces. When she would only sleep on my chest and how that became a comfort to us both. Don't get my wrong, I adore seeing her explore new things every day and assert her newfound independance, only checking to make sure Mommy's right there in the room once in a while. I vaguely remember our struggles with breastfeeding in the beginning and how worried I was that she wasn't getting enough to eat because of her constant lethargy. It seems like lifetimes ago, though!

I think the book "I'll Love You Forever" could be about my life. During the day I get stressed, I want to pull my hair out and long for the days when I could lounge in bed until I had to be to work, do things when I wanted to do them, and only worry about myself. But within an hour of her being asleep for the night, my arms ache to hold her and I can't help but tip-toeing in, picking her up gently and rocking with her head on my chest. She always sighs contentedly as if somewhere in her dreamworld she's aware that she once again in Mommy's arms and feels safe. I close my eyes and smell her clean hair and lotioned up lavendar skin and all is right with the world. I should start whispering the "chorus" of that book:

"I'll love you forever
I'll like you for always
as long as I'm living
my baby you'll be"

I'll post new pictures and videos tomorrow. It's 12:56am and I hear some stirring and fussing coming from the other room. Right on time!

Cruising

2009-04-27T12:03:00.000-04:00

It's all happening too fast! I remember being excited when Ariana turned 3 months old because that's when all the fun milestones would happen. Can I take that back now? We're converting the exersaucer into the play table because she now screams if we try to put her in it. Being contained is not an option anymore for our baby girl!
She pulls herself to standing on anything and everything and is crawling faster an faster. I think our lazy mornings in bed are coming to an end now, too which makes me sad. That was all of our favorites time of day. She crawls all over the bed and pillow blockades on the edges are no longer an impossible hurdle as she just stand up on them.

We met up in Orlando with some friends of mine from babycenter.com. We drove down there with Bree and her son Cole (who we had a play date with a couple months ago). All of the toys that were in Cole's lap when e left St. Petersburg were all in Ariana's lap by the time we got to Orlando. My little swiper! But at one point we caught them holding hands across their carseats. Unfortunately the only picture I got you can hardly see both hands, but I'll post it anyway.

This is from my point of view from the front seat, that's why it's upside down.

standing

2009-04-25T18:05:00.000-04:00

I finally got a video of Ariana pulling up to stand. It's on her toy basket so she's not totally upright, but it still counts!

She's been doing it on everything every chance she gets now!

A family in need of prayer

2009-04-25T11:46:00.000-04:00

I do not consider myself a religious person, but know of God's miracles and am humbled by them.
I keep a link on the side of this blog to another family's blog about their tiny miracle, Kayleigh who was born 3 months early, and is now 10 months old and has never seen the outside of the NICU (neonatal intensive care unit) of the hospital. She has stared death in the face many times and pulled through triumphant. She recently underwent surgery for issues with her bowels about a week ago. Her parents posted a video (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-x1nNVrSubw) of her before surgery only 9 pounds but giving coy smiles in response to their voices. I'm sure those videos will be treasured by them forever as CT scans now show at some point either during surgery or during her recovery period she had a stroke and has flat brain waves. She's still on her breathing machines and makes jerky involuntary movements, but that is it. Now they're faced with the fact that this might be the beginning of the end for their precious baby girl.

Instead of reading pages and pages of her blog to get the background story, here is a video they made for her a few months ago:

If you click on the link to the right of my posts you can read the latest updates on her struggle. Please keep the Freeman family in your thoughts and prayers!

Big day

2009-04-24T12:32:00.000-04:00

Ariana finally stopped crab crawling and started doing the traditional hands and knees crawling. She was very ready for a nap, so she's pretty fussy in this video, but you can still see her showing off her new skills.

When Marty got home right after her nap from an overnight fishing excursion he said "hey, I can see a tooth" so I smiled and told him how cute it was that we could see the outline of her tooth through the front of her gums. "No," he said "her tooth is out!" So I rushed over and sure enough, her bottom front left tooth is through the gums! I've been checking her gums for months every morning and the one time I don't check, here it is! I surprised myself and Marty by getting pretty misty eyed over this new milestone. I just have to learn that these effect me!

We dont't have a picture of the new tooth yet because it's really hard to see, and she'll hardly keep her tongue out of the way for us to feel it! In the next few days we'll post one.

This month has been pretty busy! She's flying through these milestones and it's makingour headds spin!

Beach Baby

2009-04-23T20:35:00.000-04:00

Marty's mom and grandma were in town visiting us for the past 4 days and most of that time was spent on the beach and by the pool. We already know Ariana takes t the water like a fish, but she actually started fussing when we would take her out of the pool. Here are some pictures from our visit.

On the move

2009-04-20T22:28:00.000-04:00

Get out the cabinet locks and keep everything up off the floor... Ariana is on the move!

She's been creeping and scooting forward for about a week now, and two days ago on Marty's first day of his vacation, he got down on the floor across the room from her and called her. Ariana got on all fours and crawled to him like it was nothing! I think we both got a little choked up over it, with good reason! She's officially not my little baby girl anymore and it's exciting and scary at the same time.

We don't have a video for you yet as we've been down on the beach with Ariana's Grandma and Great-Grandma who are visiting from Texas five days, but we will soon enough! And yes, the pictures of our beach baby with the family will be be up, too.

Big girl

2009-04-16T23:44:00.000-04:00

On Friday April 10th Ariana learned how to sit up all by herself. For 3 months we've been having to put her in a sitting position and she would play happily until she was done, then she would plop over to one side or the other. Then, out of the blue she was rocking on her hands and knees and trying to crawl and slowly leaned her tush backwards and viola! She was sitting! It took her a couple more days after that to be able to get back on all fours... that darned foot was always in the way! But now she goes back and forth between the two positions. Lying flat on her back is no longer an option which is making diaper changes quite interesting! The only time she wont roll right over is during her massage (smart girl) and even then she's flailing her limbs around and trying to eat my hands.
She's been pulling herself to standing for a few days now as well. She's not quite mastered that one because she lets go as soon as she's upright which of course results in a free fall backwards (scares Mommy and Daddy)! She gets herself up on her knees in her crib while holding onto the railing and is walking her hands up to the top rail to hoist herself up. she tends to peer through the slats as if it were a jail cell and has impeccable vision! She can spot us spying on her through the tiniest little crack in her bedroom door. We really do need a video monitor!

Change of face

2009-04-16T23:42:00.000-04:00

We always post pitures and videos of happy go lucky Ariana, which is her normal self. Here's a video of a not so happy Ariana. She hates cows, or the sounds they make rather. See for yourselves:

First Passover

2009-04-10T12:23:00.000-04:00

Ariana experienced her first Passover on Wednesday April 8th. She got to try some homemade chicken noodle soup; parts of it anyway. She's been doing really great with finger foods so I cut up some carrots and a motzo ball on her high chair tray. She wasn't too sure about them, but still polished them off! She's such a good eater! She really hasn't completely rejected any food we've tried to give her yet!

Here she is all dolled up during dinner with remnants of her meal on her face! Nanny tried to clean her up, but having her face wiped off is right up on her list of favorites with having to take a nap!

And here are some pictures that I took of her outside in the grass. She was curious and kept trying to eat the grass and sticks that were around her.

And last but not least, this is what happened when mean old Mommy tried to get the grass out of her mouth:

FINALLY! 6 month pictures

2009-04-06T23:50:00.000-04:00

And the award for the most photogenic baby ever is:

drumroll please..................

Swimming Beauty

2009-04-03T21:36:00.000-04:00

Today my friends brough their 3 kids (3 1/2 if you count the one on the way) down to visit and we went swimming. Ariana didn't want to get out despite her shivering! She kept wanting to walk her legs up my torso instead of kicking them behind her like I was showing her. We've got plenty of time for that, though! Once we got back to the apartment we gave her and Connor who's 2 1/2 a bath together. Ariana really loves kids. She was babbling and laughing at them all day!

Showing off

2009-04-02T21:14:00.000-04:00

apartment living, here we come!

2009-04-01T21:10:00.000-04:00

Moving gets harder and harder every time!

We moved into our new apartment on Monday March 30th. We're really happy here so far; the apartment is near one of the pools and the gym which will be quite convenient. One of the two entrances is next to a shopping plaza with a grocery store, four restaurants, a dollar store, and a few others that we didn't get a chance to check out yet. Ariana and I have already walked there to window shop and get a few things for dinner. I won't feel so isolated now. The best part is that Marty's work is less than 10 minutes away, so we get more family time (not to mention hundreds saved in gas bills)! Just from walking around the complex we've seen oodles of families with young children so we'll have lots a friends since Ariana is becoming quite the little social butterfly!

Once I unpack our video and digital camera I will get a video and pictures to show you Ariana's new tricks. On Saturday the 28th Ariana decided that scooting herself backwards wasn't good enough and rolled over from he back to her stomach and pushed herself up on all 4's like she had been doing it for months! I gasped which I think scared her so she startled and face planted, but got herself right back up again. Now she does this constantly! We think she knows that she's supposed to be able to get places that way but can't do more than rock vigorously and lunge forward. Sometimes she even get up on her hands and tippy toes in what looks like a push up pose! She gets frustrated easily doing these things, but she'll get it and will be full on crawling in no time.

She had her picture professionally done for her 6th month four days before she turned 7 months. We're not procrastinators at all! As soon as we get them back I will have them up first thing. They came out stunning, but I'm sure that's not a surprise to any of you!

On a sadder note, my Grandfather passed away on Wednesday March 25th. He had been sick since Thanksgiving and in and out of the hospital and a rehabilitation center. His blood pressure was dropping quickly and suddenly and causing him to faint. They put in a pacemaker and sent him home thinking all would be well. He fainted again on Wednesday in the dining hall of the adult community he and my grandmother live in and was rushed to the hospital where he passed on. Despite all his medical issues which included mild Alzheimer's he was in constant good spirits. His jokes were corny, but we always laughed. He poked fun at himself about not remembering something as simple as what he ate for dinner just an hour earlier and my mom always told him we had lobster which made him happy. He was the only Grandfather I've ever been close to as my maternal and paternal grandfather both died when I was young. He and my Grandmother would've been married 58 years this coming August. Fifty eight years and they still held hands and made eyes at each other from across the table. Not a day went by that he didn't express his love for her in every way possible. Their love was one of fairy tales and we should all make them an example for our own lives. He took such joy in watching Ariana grow and a few times was moved to tears by her giggles and smiles for him. He will be greatly missed by all of us.

Constant Epiphany

2009-03-17T22:25:00.000-04:00

My days with Ariana blend together so much and sometimes they feel mundane. There's only so much we have to do around the house, and so many times we can weave in and out of the neighborhood before Mommy gets bored. I hardly ever seem to know what day it is, let alone the date and rely on Marty's schedule hanging on the fridge for this information.

Then there's days like today. She didn't do anything new, or tackle the next exciting milestone but I could have sat in bed all day just staring at her. She was pretty fussy as she has been lately from her two bottom teeth lingering right under the surface of her gums, but for some reason today she amazed me. Maybe it's the way she is starting to let us know what she wants, and nearly throwing her body out of our arms or laps to get it. Maybe it's the way she studies a toy before reaching out and just knowing exactly what to do to make it light up or play music. It could be that she has been rolling over to her tummy to sleep, but not before scooting around her crib and gathering up her two favorite stuffed animals that I have to wedge back in the corners after every nap. I always go in to find her with her tush in the air, her arm draped over her horse and the glowworm half under her tummy. I can't quite pinpoint it, but I couldn't stop the emotions that coursed through me and exploded out of my lips into thousands of kisses that scattered across her cheeks to which she squealed in delight and slobbered her own kisses on my face. This angel here on earth is my daughter. She is growing in leaps and bounds due to the nourishment of my body, in the womb and out.

If I can't stop having these constant epiphanies almost 7 months into her life, I can't foresee them ever stopping.

True Florida Girl

2009-03-17T22:17:00.000-04:00

Since the weather has been so great here, I've got my mind set on a beach day soon. We got almost everything we need for Ariana and I couldn't help but have her model it! Daddy hadn't left for work yet, so he snapped some cute pictures for us outside on the patio. We just have to get an umbrella and a floatie for her and we'll be set!

Swimming! Sort of...

2009-03-13T16:18:00.000-04:00

Today we gave peas a try again. This is our second shot in 3 weeks with them. The first bite was received by a shiver and and a cringe, but Mommy pressed on. I thought of it along the lines of me picking up my glass of water only have the carbonated bubbles of Sprite splash over my tongue. The second bite went a little bit better, and by the third she was smiling. A success! She ate about 1 1/2 ounces worth before she started grabbing the spoon from me, "chewing", then drooling it all back out with a raspberry. She was dressed in only a cloth diaper with no cover so to clean up I brought her duckie tub outside with a couple of her favorite bath toys and let her clean herself off by playing. Her shrieks of laughter were my thank you! The regular pool was way too cold to even think about going in, but how nice it would've been to take our first dip together! Daddy wouldn't have been to happy that he missed out on seeing that, either so that will have to wait for the heat of the florida summer and some new fun baby swimming device and some baby sunscreen, too!

half a year

2009-03-08T15:38:00.001-04:00

I'm sure that all of these posts that I write about being stunned at how quickly time is passing by are sounding redundant. I'll apologize for the past blog entries, and in advance for this one!

Ariana Raen Chapppell is half a year old. Six whole months. Four thousand three hundred and forty four hours. Two hundred sixty thousand six hundred forty minutes. Any way you put it, that's a long time! Six whole months that have felt like 6 days. I look back at pictures of her from the hospital and am floored that the baby playing on the floor next to me is the same baby! An old pair of pajamas that she wore constantly in her first month of life somehow got mixed into her regular laundry, and when I picked it up to fold it I couldn't help but stare. Was our 16 pound 10 ounce, 28 1/4" daughter really that small? i had to show it to Marty as well, and he held it in his arms as if there was a baby wearing it and all he could say was "wow".

The baby that was content sleeping on one of our chests all day now will squirm to be on the floor with her toys. I vaguely remember my struggles with her latch and getting her to stay awake while nursing, and now she latches herself on and nurses happily while stroking my cheek or playing with my hair.

I cannot wrap my head around the fact that she has been out of my body and in our arms for half a year. This "birthday" is right up there with how I imagine I'll feel at 2:30pm on August 31, 2009 when she turns one year old.

Thank you for sharing our journey as a family thus far, and hopefully for many more months and years to come!

First Crush

2009-03-07T15:41:00.000-05:00

Ariana had her first playdate today and she has the biggest crush on baby Cole! Cole's mommy is a woman who's been on the same message boards as me since the beginning of our pregnancies and just so happens to live about 13 miles away. They came over for the afternoon and once they noticed each other they were entranced! Ariana decided that she wanted his pacifier, and toy, and blankie... basically anything he was holding she wanted NOW!

Cole is only 5 days younger than her, but has her by almost 4 full pounds! Here are some pictures:

new month, new tub

2009-03-02T22:42:00.000-05:00

Happy 6 months, baby girl! We're having professional pictures done soon for her half year birthday.
Ariana's new inflatable ducky tub is a hit!

morning girl

2009-02-16T23:06:00.000-05:00

She didn't get it from Mommy. She didn't get it from Daddy. So where exactly did Ariana get her up and at 'em demeanor from? I'm not quite sure but I would like to say this... what a pleasure it is to wake up to such a happy baby! She giggles most easily the first few hours she's awake. I love her smiles and laughter, but I'd have to say her wanting to snuggle against me and coo along with my goodmorning song which varies day to day is at the top of my list of favorite times with her.

I hope everyone had a good valentine's day! Marty and I count our blessings and loved having TWO valentine's this year! My husband and my daughter make such a Hallmark holiday worthwhile.

such a big girl

2009-02-13T16:03:00.000-05:00

Ariana and I have been playing a lot today, and the video camera has been right there with us. I think she's stronger and more talkative then she was yesterday, and that seems to be the trend of the past couple weeks. I'm trying to get lots of videos so Marty and I can always remember all the fun (and not so fun) stages she's going through. Plus, maybe we'll get some embarassing stuff to show future boyfriends when she's 30.

Avocado!

2009-02-12T21:21:00.000-05:00

Ariana's second food... avocados!

Ribbit

2009-02-12T20:54:00.000-05:00

Ariana loves froggies. Well, Mommy thinks that cartoon froggies are cute, and I project that onto her. Nanny bought Ariana some new froggie BabyLegs, which is a brand that makes the cutest baby leggings. Diaper changes are easier when there's no snaps and buttons to undo and redo when you have a squirmy baby. Ariana was in heaven playing naked in her leggings!

She has completely mastered sitting on her own, and has started steadying herself when she leans to far to one side or the other. She still just flops backwards when she's done playing, so I've had to put pillows about where her head will hit behind her or stay right there to spot her. She's such a sensitive baby girl. I'm pretty sure the couple times she's clunked her head on the carpeting hasn't actually hurt her, but she looks around for a second before that bottom lips quivvers its way out and the tears start to roll. I'm almost positive that it just scares her. I'm trying not to react too much so that she's not just picking up on my gasp or lunging towards her. I'm sure these little bumps wont be the last, nor the biggest of her boo-boos.

first food/nakie time!

2009-02-09T22:54:00.000-05:00

Marty and I fed Ariana real food today! We made her sweet potatoes mixed with a tiny bit of breast milk to make the consistency a little runnier than they are normally. She seemed to really like them. She didn't go nuts for them, but there was no faces or spitting it out, so I guess that's a good sign.

We can't forget her favorite thing in the world, either. Naked time! She wrapped herself up in her blanket and was entertaining herself. Of course, I had the camera handy so I could share with you!

Really, REALLY bad hair day

2009-02-07T21:45:00.000-05:00

Since I've been horrible with keeping everyone up to date, I should share some pictures of Ariana from today. I didn't brush her hair after her bath last night, so this morning it was CRAZY! Her hair is starting to thin out on the sides and the back, so she has what we like to call a modified comb-over. I promise those of you questioning her origins that she is Marty's daughter despite the obvious resemblance to Kramer (from Seinfeld).

I attempted to fix it with a headband, but instead of looking better, she just looked like Olivia Newton John from her "Let's get physical" music video in the 80's.

Enjoy! :)

5 months... and a few days

2009-02-06T01:11:00.000-05:00

I know we're a few days late on this, but better late than never!

Ariana turned five months old on the 31st of January. 2009 is already proving to be a whirlwind of a year! We've been practicing sitting unassisted... Ariana is, anyway. She's getting better and better at it every day! She's been rolling over again finally! All this time has passed without her working on her new skills, but last night I heard her fussing over the monitor more than she usually does between sleep cycles, so I tiptoed into her room and lo and behold there she is on the opposite end of her crib from where I lay her down, facing the opposite direction, and on her tummy! She looked a little confused when she turned her face up to look at me, so I picked her up and snuggled her a bit before laying her down again on her back and she drifted right off. She's been a "secret scooter" as I lovingly dubbed her a couple weeks ago when I realized every time I peeked in on her at night, she was in a different area of the crib and in a different position. During the day she's perfectly content staying put and playing with whatever toy she has right there. I think she just know that Mommy is at her beck and call all day and she wants to take advantage of it!

Today she's been rolling over off her tummy quite a bit, and decided to make a few diaper changes interesting by rolling onto her tummy. This girl just can't make up her mind! I'm relieved that she has suddenly remembered these milestones before I started questioning whether or not she ever did them at all.

Here are a few pictures from this week, 22 weeks old (going on 2 years!)

The sippy cup experiment I tried after seeing how easily she drank from the cup in the bath:

Just being herself; adorable, brilliant, and charming!

bathtime

2009-02-06T01:02:00.001-05:00

(Ariana is just 4 days shy of 5 months old in this video)

Tonight during her bath Ariana showed intrest in the cup we use. I started showing her how water pours out of it, and how it splashes on her. During all this she keeps reaching for it, so I hand it to her with a little water in it. She promptly dumps it on her face, but surprisingly gets most of it in her mouth. I'm glad I decided to record this evening!

videos galore!

2009-01-30T23:44:00.000-05:00

(Since I have to play catch up in a big way, I'm going to note her age or the date of these next few posts.)
The first video was taken January 11, 2009, and the second is from the 26th. She is 4 1/2 months old in them.

Ariana has a new favorite toy. We've had it for about two months but she's just now starting to get the hang of it. This is how it works: the ball gets kicked, it swings the bear's head and starts up the music. Well, I guess ours is temperamental because it only starts up the music occasionally. So Ariana figured out a new way to make it work...

She still thinks Mommy is the best toy, though! Kisses make her laugh now, and she's started anticipating things. So we've been playing lots of "I'm gonna get you!" type games and she gets such a kick out of them.

too long

2009-01-26T23:42:00.001-05:00

I just wanted to post and let everyone know that I haven't given up on this blog! Things have just been hectic. We got back from Texas a couple days ago and had a great time! Ariana got reaquainted with the other half of her family and we took a much needed vacation! I will post pictures from our trip as soon as I have them, and some other new pictures and videos that I've taken since we've been back.

Just a quick update:
Ariana is trying so hard to sit independantly! She assumes the tripod stance for a couple minutes before either toppling over from reaching for a toy, or deciding that she'd rather stand up. We bought her a Jenny Jump Up, but so far she has NO clue what to do in it, but thinks that swinging in it is great fun! She's developing her own little personality and has been laughing at silly faces or hearing unexpected voices come out of Mommy or Daddy.

Here are a couple pictures of her sitting like a big girl/tripod:

4 months old

2008-12-31T00:16:00.000-05:00

It seems that every time I turn around, Ariana is another month older. I guess I need to stop turing around so much!!!
Four months old, and I still stare at her in awe the same way I did when she was four minutes old. She is sheer perfection... beyond perfection, and Marty and I are so truly blessed to be able to call her ours. I love the way she giggles when she hears me call her name from the doorway in anticipation of me leaning over the top of her crib to get her from a nap. I'm sure she's as amused as she looks when she has me on one side of her saying "Mamamamama" and Marty on the other side of her repeating "Dadadadada". I watch her sleep nuzzled into the crook of my arm and can't hold back the tears that well up behind my eyes. I want to capture every moment and store it away in the back of my mind so I can always summon up the memories of these days when she stops reaching out to grab my shirt and pull in close and starts reaching out for the car keys. I dream of expanding our family, but then I see her sweet face and guilt washes over me as if she can read my thoughts and would feel betrayed and robbed of her time to have Mommy and Daddy to herself 100%.

I attempted to do a 4 month old photo shoot today, but she wasn't to into it. I'll try again tomorrow, but I'll share these with you in the meantime.

Christmas!

2008-12-30T23:45:00.000-05:00

Ariana was amazed at one of her Chanukkah gifts from Nanny and Papa!

Here are some of the pictures from Christmas morning and our weekend at Nanny and Papa's house:

Santa knew how ready she was for a new toy like this: